Cafe Doom

The Critique Crypt => Writing Exercises (closed to guests) => Topic started by: evildeadgirl on September 10, 2008, 02:12:52 PM

Title: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on September 10, 2008, 02:12:52 PM
Be a Demented Genie this game is fun--be as evil as you like...
You grant the previous posters wish and then post your own
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on September 10, 2008, 02:13:51 PM
I wish I was home playing with my cat and watching Stargate.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on September 10, 2008, 05:07:55 PM
Granted.

I wish I could thrive and prosper on just one hour of sleep per week :cheesy:
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on September 10, 2008, 07:37:46 PM
Granted
but you have to dance in superman boxers and sing Abba songs for two hours a day for it to work.

I wish i had some chocolate cake and pop rocks.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on September 11, 2008, 02:33:16 PM
Granted, but you have to listen to me singing Abba songs for two hours a day for eternity.

I wish I had a better singing voice :grin:
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on September 11, 2008, 02:42:45 PM
Granted you have a better singing voice but you must hang out with Brittany Spears to take vocal lessons and babysit her every weekend.

I wish I had minions to do my household chores.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: This Boy Is Twisted on October 01, 2008, 10:04:18 AM
granted, but the minions are all the worst reality show rejects you have ever seen, and they have to practice singing, a lot.

I wish i had more money >.<
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on October 01, 2008, 11:34:04 AM
Granted, but it's monopoly money and you have to play the game until the end of time.

I wish I had a swimming pool.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: DoomDenizen on October 01, 2008, 11:49:24 AM
Aaaand granted. That is, on one condition: You must share it with a school of imaginary piranhas.

I wish for a cell phone that never has bad reception.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on October 01, 2008, 11:52:40 AM
Granted, unfortunately you and it will be orbiting pluto for a decade.

I wish that I could win an Oscar.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on October 01, 2008, 12:10:18 PM
Granted, but you're going to win Oscar Buttwhistle - a fat, flatulent kid who masturbates constantly, and speeds up whenever he sees you.

I wish Cheryl Cole would worship me like a god.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Mooncalled on October 01, 2008, 12:44:33 PM
Granted!  However she mistakes you as the god of Body Modification and promptly mutilates herself and gains 100 lbs.

I whish I could take a nap
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Riotcityblack on October 01, 2008, 02:43:34 PM
Granted, but its a bed of nails with no pillow

I wish I had a bigger knife for this....err....lettuce.. that im cutting, its taking forever
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on October 01, 2008, 03:24:44 PM
Granted, but you will find the lettuce suddenly sentient and psychotic, with body armour and a gun.

I wish I could sing like Pavarotti.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on October 03, 2008, 01:10:31 PM
Granted, but now you're dead because, well Pavarotti is.

I wish I never had to mow the garden again.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on October 03, 2008, 02:24:23 PM
Granted - your lawn is now under a foot of tarmac.

I wish my mother would fix her own shower instead of ringing me.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Riotcityblack on October 03, 2008, 04:44:53 PM
Granted, but she's going to fix it with your toothbrush

I wish it was tomorow already
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on October 04, 2008, 02:07:17 AM
Granted, but you're stuck in a time loop and it's still yesterday.

I wish there were no calories in chocolate.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on October 04, 2008, 03:45:34 AM
Granted, but you'll have an overwhelming compulsion to lick the bottoms of your shoes whenever you taste chocolate.

I wish I had more time to do the things I want to do.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: joneastwood on October 04, 2008, 04:50:13 PM
Granted, but someone else has done them first.

i wish i had amazing magical powers and ruled the universe.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on October 20, 2008, 01:02:35 AM
Granted, but someone else has done them first.

i wish i had amazing magical powers and ruled the universe.
wish granted you rule a universe of lobsters and magic power is you can clean.
I wish I had turkey sandwich
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: elay2433 on October 20, 2008, 08:08:22 AM
Granted. But it's made of turkey assholes and slathered with extra mayo.

I wish I could go back to sleep.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: rsmccoy on October 20, 2008, 08:39:12 AM
Granted, but you are trapped in a nightmare where you are married to Rosie O'Donald and you can't wake up.

I wish I had more time to write.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on October 20, 2008, 12:50:22 PM
Granted, but you're struck with a compulsion to take a bite from your fingers for every word you write.

I wish I was in Las Vegas
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on October 20, 2008, 01:32:51 PM
Granted - you were in Las Vegas, but only for a billionth of a second. Where's my postcard? :pissed:

I wish for every merchant banker in the world to get a severe case of piles.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: JonP on October 20, 2008, 01:34:46 PM
Granted, but sadly, it's piles of cash (open goal there, really).

I wish I had an agent.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Caz on October 20, 2008, 01:52:08 PM
Granted, but he only lets you write for soap operas.

I wish my cat would stop walking on the keeeeeyboard.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: elay2433 on October 20, 2008, 02:42:11 PM
Granted. Your cat no longer walks on your keyboard because it's now a dog that urinates on your keyboard.

I wish my credit card debt would disappear.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: caseyquinn on October 20, 2008, 02:52:42 PM
Granted, but so did your house, your clothes and car

I wish the yankees had made the playoffs...
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Geoff_N on October 21, 2008, 03:10:39 AM
Granted, but they have to play on bicycles.

I wish I lived in Italy.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on October 22, 2008, 01:47:06 AM
Granted, but they have to play on bicycles.

I wish I lived in Italy.
Granted you live in Italy but you have to work in a manure plant.
I wish I had a pet dinosaur.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Caz on October 22, 2008, 12:25:21 PM
Granted, but it's a T-Rex and it's hungry.

I wish my car was faster.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: JonP on October 22, 2008, 12:51:19 PM
Granted, but you're going downhill and the brakes have failed.

I wish I were twenty years younger.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on October 22, 2008, 01:22:43 PM
Granted - you are twenty years younger than my nan.

I wish to be able to get to sleep early tonight, because I have to get up at 5am :/
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on November 13, 2008, 01:25:26 AM
Granted - you are twenty years younger than my nan.

I wish to be able to get to sleep early tonight, because I have to get up at 5am :/

Wish granted you get to sleep early but when you wake up you have to hang out with Joan Rivers and sing show tunes.

Wish I had some fine dark chocolates to snack on.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on November 13, 2008, 10:34:16 AM
You do, but they're laced with cyanide.

I wish Jack Bauer would rescue me for boredom.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: jingold on November 13, 2008, 11:17:40 AM
Granted.  Jack Bauer rescued you from your boredom, but now you've got to worry about the bomb, the nerve gas, terrorists and double agents.

I wish I didn't have to go into work today.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: catephoenix on November 13, 2008, 12:30:33 PM
You don't have to, the double agents have tied you to your bed and are torturing you.

I wish it was November 30th.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Caz on November 13, 2008, 03:15:45 PM
Granted, but your time machine has gone awry and it's the 30th November one million years B C.

I wish it wasn't so muddy at work.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: rsmccoy on November 26, 2008, 03:51:45 PM
Wish granted, you now work in the middle of the Sahara desert.

I wish I owned a house in Monterey
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: doolols on December 02, 2008, 08:14:42 AM
Granted, but it's a dolls' house.

I wish it would stop raining  :(
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: evildeadgirl on June 27, 2009, 02:58:42 AM
Granted, but it's a dolls' house.

I wish it would stop raining  :(
wish granted----it stops raining but your wife says your mother-in-law is moving in.


I wish I could win at the lottery.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Rev. Austin on July 07, 2009, 01:19:55 PM
I wish I could win at the lottery.

Granted!  You win £10!  And the next week, you win £5000!  And every week you keep winning more, until it arises suspicion with Camelot, who think you're somehow, inexplicably, ripping-off the system.  Because of the recession, the person who's in charge of making sure the system remains rip-off proof is made redundant, since everyone thinks his job's a waste of time.  Therefore, there's no way to prove your luck, and you get sued for £MILLIONS.  Tough luck, old bean!

I wish I had the power of the sun in each foot.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on July 07, 2009, 01:35:53 PM
Granted - you will have the power of a tabloid newspaper in each foot, but the first time you go out in the rain they'll turn into paper mache and as you run screaming down the road you'll get tackled by a council warden, who will point to the trail of soggy pulp you've left behind in your wake, and fine you the full £1,000 limit for each and every scrap.

I wish they'd stop playing Michael Jackson records on the radio all day every day.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: elay2433 on July 07, 2009, 03:49:44 PM
Granted. Theyve stopped with Michaels music. Only now they're playing Jermaine Jackson records nonstop.

I wish I could leave work early today.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on July 07, 2009, 03:55:36 PM
No problem - clear your desk, you're fired.

I wish they'd stop playing Jermaine Jackson records on the radio if they ever start again.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Rev. Austin on July 13, 2009, 02:22:54 PM
Granted!  But those gaps have got to be filled somehow so they use 'em for extra weather reports.  Every five minutes.

I wish I had a best-selling single.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on July 13, 2009, 03:14:25 PM
Granted - a copy of Agadoo is in the mail to you as we speak.

I wish this crappy weather would turn warmer, brighter and dryer. It's supposed to be summer, FFS ::)
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Caz on July 14, 2009, 01:19:38 PM
Granted. North Korea have just hit us with a nuke and it's warmer, brighter and oh so very dry.

I wish they'd stop putting speed bumps on all the roads round here.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on July 14, 2009, 02:11:21 PM
Granted. North Korea have just hit us with a nuke and it's warmer, brighter and oh so very dry.

I wish they'd stop putting speed bumps on all the roads round here.

What, the North Koreans are putting speed bumps on all the roads round there? This means war, I tell you - WAR! :fugly:
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Caz on July 16, 2009, 01:38:31 PM
Na, it's not some bunch of dictators from a tin pot regime it's the local council, then again.... ::) 
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on July 16, 2009, 02:16:11 PM
Granted. North Korea have just hit us with a nuke and it's warmer, brighter and oh so very dry.

I wish they'd stop putting speed bumps on all the roads round here.

Anyhoo, back on track...

Granted - the speed bumps are now in you living room. Bugger to lay carpet over, too :scratch:

I wish it's stop raining and be a proper summer for once.
Title: .
Post by: Woody on July 24, 2009, 04:09:42 PM
.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Walker on August 26, 2009, 08:59:11 PM
You've got it. Unfortunately it's out of gas, has no safety gear and the strong offshore breeze is pushing you towards a boatload of hungry republicans.

I wish I had a lobster.



Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Caz on August 27, 2009, 01:30:18 PM
Granted, but it's straight out of a Ray Harryhausen film, and those claws sure are big.

I wish Ozzie Osbourne were declared leader of the world.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on August 27, 2009, 03:16:36 PM
Granted. Now, eat your bat :fugly:

I wish I knew why I feel so sketchy tonight :scratch:
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: RoseLaflesh on September 11, 2009, 10:01:49 PM
Granted, you just found out that the world doesn't exsits but is rather a popular painting in some other reality.

I wish that I have all the junk food that I could ever wish for.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Ed on September 12, 2009, 02:16:37 AM
Granted, but you're now doomed to exist as Ronald McDonald's fat and acne blemished cousin, Mickey McMuckmonger, who weighs 800 pounds and also dresses like a clown.

I wish I didn't drink as much as I did last night :gross:
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Rook on October 21, 2009, 02:11:09 PM
Granted- you drank double and the latest black-eye-peas song is playing with the base turned waaaaay up.

I wish that Rush Limbaugh would choke (loudly) in public on his own bile, with hundred of his listeners looking on dumbly.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Pharosian on October 21, 2009, 02:56:40 PM
Granted. A recording of his choking on his own bile will now play in an endless loop at 100 decibels for the next 100 hours, following you wherever you go.


I wish people would refrain from wishing terrible things on people with whom they disagree.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Rook on October 21, 2009, 04:01:40 PM
granted- peace on earth and all that jazz.

I will when he will, darling!

I wish my chem's next album was out.
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Angelica_raene on October 31, 2009, 08:09:24 PM
Granted :)

I wish there was two of me, so maybe I could get everything I need to finish done  :grin:
Title: Re: Wish granted
Post by: Loki on November 12, 2009, 03:40:38 PM
Granted, but the second one is your dark twin, exactly opposite you in every way.

I wish everyone didn't depend on me to solve their problems for them.