Cafe Doom

The Critique Crypt => General writing chat => Topic started by: Ed on February 23, 2005, 04:03:59 PM



Title: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on February 23, 2005, 04:03:59 PM
We're in need of a new story for the front page - Donna's Tidal Wave story has been up for nearly two months now (where did that time go? :/ ).  So, I've decided to set a Story of the Month comp for March.

It is as it sounds - and it's open to anybody that wants to enter.  Write a dark tale on any theme you like, but, with Easter falling in March this year, it might be nice to include it somehow ;)  Keep it down to 1500 words or less, otherwise nobody will read it. :afro:  I wish I had thought about it a week or two ago, which would have given you all more time to write something - with March fast approaching we'll need to see entries on or just after the end of Feb, with a quick vote, lasting a couple of days.  Hopefully that'll give us a new front page by the 5th or 6th of March.

From now on, we'll run a Story of the Month Comp (SMC for short ::) ) and the winner will be decided by forum poll and placed on the front page of the site.  Next time there will be a bit more notice :cheesy:

Any takers? :huh: 


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: LashSlash on February 24, 2005, 04:34:35 AM
Fear by LashShlash

We have to learn to knock out fear and prevent it from becoming the middleman, demanding its percentage of our day-to-day existence. We pay no dues to fear. It cannot prevail upon us as it has no personal consequence except to be utilized as a tool- an open cheque, endorsed to deposit terror in our enemies’ minds.

The intrigue of playing Russian roulette with someone’s conscious and subconscious I find to be enthralling. I imagine that winding a string around the equatorial line of the brain’s hemispheres thus improvising a yo-yo of the mind, then playing loop the loop with the psyche cannot be considered a recess time activity.

The theory of escorting someone through the tunnel of terror until the warmth of loosened bowels is the only comfort against the coldness clutching at their very beings, when a jerk of the string turns on the light at the end of the tunnel, illuminating a last hope of hopes for salvation, then another yo-yo jerk transforms the light of redemption into a thundering express train bearing down into the victims psyche, finally smashing it into smithereens, is not only captivating but something we can utilize in our dayly fight for survival.

A final quote: “Ha-I laugh in the face of danger”, sums it up.
the end (c) 2005


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: doolols on February 24, 2005, 08:18:18 PM
Nice one, Blunty. Might just be enough for me to get my typing fingers out again!

Doo  ;)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on February 25, 2005, 02:19:36 PM
Two takers already then? :afro:  Good stuff!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on February 27, 2005, 10:08:16 AM
Hiya Blunt--

Is any topic other than Easter acceptable? I have a story started, but it doesn't relate to any holiday.

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: santhere on February 27, 2005, 01:12:10 PM
I guess a tale of the easter bunny putting anthrax in the eggs, killing millions isn't acceptable because it has to be DARK.. well I tell ya the easter bunny can be pretty damn scary if she wants to..


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on February 27, 2005, 02:10:48 PM
Sharon - any topic is fine, as long as it's dark in some way, thanks. :afro: 

Santhere - the Easter Bunny's a 'she'? :o  I thought it was a bloke bunny, for some reason :/


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: santhere on February 27, 2005, 03:08:25 PM
well that is because you are a guy, guy :lol:

thats the way it works, women say she and men say he, not to imply I am not a 100 procent Machocop, but still..
I am going to write the anthrax thing anyway, and make it really creepy and OMINOUS.. :cool:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on February 27, 2005, 07:55:20 PM
Santhere, you're scaring me already!

Blunt, when do you want these by?

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on February 28, 2005, 05:04:45 AM
Yes, when's 'on or soon after the end of February'?  If you keep it open till - say - Saturday, I may be able to spin something.  I'd like to.


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on February 28, 2005, 05:07:08 AM
BTW, I always thought the Easter Bunny was a 'he', which I'm not.  But then, I only know about him from what I've heard from Americans - he wasn't a feature of English childhood when I was in it!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on February 28, 2005, 10:41:35 AM
BTW, I always thought the Easter Bunny was a 'he', which I'm not.  But then, I only know about him from what I've heard from Americans - he wasn't a feature of English childhood when I was in it!

E.B.'s Gender seemed to derive from popular US song, "Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity-hoppity, Easter's on its way!"

Easter brings back interesting memories for me and siblings. One year, I'm told, we spent Easter at St Elizabeth's Hospital (for the mentally ill) in Washington DC, visiting my alcoholic/paranoid schizophrenic father.  You may have heard of one of his fellow patients, a shy retiring poet  ;D
by the name of Ezra Pound.  I'm trying to get my brother to get photos from my mother. I don't speak with my mother, long tale. Would love to have a snapshot with EP and family. Sort of surreal, no?  :yes:

Now, aren't you glad you brought that up? I'll bite my tongue now.  :P

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: santhere on February 28, 2005, 12:19:38 PM
I think I will call it The Easter Bunny and the Terror Egg Incident, that's scary isn't it? :lol:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on February 28, 2005, 01:33:19 PM
I will have nightmares.


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on February 28, 2005, 02:04:35 PM
Ezra Pound, eh?  Let us know if you have any success.

You've reminded me of what we were told by someone we know who had to visit a relative who was in a mental hospital following a nervous breakdown.  There was often a fellow patient around, a very nice, well-spoken lady.  Mostly, she seemed absolutely normal, but just occasionally, she would mutter in an undertone in the middle of otherwise ordinary conversation, 'I killed him, you know.  I put him in the sausage machine.'  Our friend thought what a shame that such a charming woman should be having these horrible delusions.

That is until he heard that her name was (and here I'm changing it for obvious reasons) Mrs Smith.  And remembered that a very well-known local brand is Smith's Sausages.  And looked up newspaper archives and discovered that Mr Smith had been caught in adultery by his wife, who had... yes...


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on February 28, 2005, 02:12:13 PM
Nice one :afro:  I wonder how many unwitting cannibals there were in the local community that week? :o

Yup, let's say entries by Saturday then, please.  We'll have 24 hours of voting and that'll be that.  Shortly thereafter, we'll set another challenge for April's front page.  BTW, I'm intending to make a list of former front pages in the 'Tales' section of the site, for the sake of posterity :afro:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on February 28, 2005, 08:02:42 PM
Ezra Pound, eh?  Let us know if you have any success.

You've reminded me of what we were told by someone we know who had to visit a relative who was in a mental hospital following a nervous breakdown.  There was often a fellow patient around, a very nice, well-spoken lady.  Mostly, she seemed absolutely normal, but just occasionally, she would mutter in an undertone in the middle of otherwise ordinary conversation, 'I killed him, you know.  I put him in the sausage machine.'  Our friend thought what a shame that such a charming woman should be having these horrible delusions.

That is until he heard that her name was (and here I'm changing it for obvious reasons) Mrs Smith.  And remembered that a very well-known local brand is Smith's Sausages.  And looked up newspaper archives and discovered that Mr Smith had been caught in adultery by his wife, who had... yes...

Oh, my, I love that story!

Re EP-- according to my web research, Ezra was indeed at St Elizabeth's and spent a bit of time there...right about when my wacky dad was there, I'm guessing.  I suspect my mother had a crush on him. She spoke of him in glowing tones when I was a teen, like a heart-throb thing. I even wrote a bit of flash on it, because it intrigued me, and sent it off to a comp. I mean, here she is a young mother with 3 kids, an alcoholic husband who probably had post-traumatic stress disorder, but they didn't have a label for it in the '40s, and along comes this charismatic famous man, with an entourage of groupies. She says he always said, "Hello, Mrs Bell." She sort of fluttered and blushed when she recounted the tale. Big crush, like rock star sized crush...

Sharon



Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on March 01, 2005, 06:56:50 AM
It is an interesting situation.  Something like that could be a good set-up point for a novel, don't you think?

This may or may not be part of the same thing, I know.  Anyway.  I find it very interesting how many people get totally overcome just by being in the same space with anyone with even the tiniest bit of what they perceive as fame.  When I work in theatres, it's quite common to come across an actor who's known from TV, and you see the heads turn and the mouths gawp!  Even I came in for the reaction occasionally when I used to do some local journalism - I remember a woman that I knew with CERTAINTY I'd never met before telling other people at one function I was reporting on that she and I were always bumping into one another because she just LOVED to be with (bats of the eyelashes) ARTISTIC, CREATIVE people...  I felt like shaking her off, like when a dog tries to hump your foot!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 01, 2005, 08:00:00 AM
It is an interesting situation.  Something like that could be a good set-up point for a novel, don't you think?

This may or may not be part of the same thing, I know.  Anyway.  I find it very interesting how many people get totally overcome just by being in the same space with anyone with even the tiniest bit of what they perceive as fame.  When I work in theatres, it's quite common to come across an actor who's known from TV, and you see the heads turn and the mouths gawp!  Even I came in for the reaction occasionally when I used to do some local journalism - I remember a woman that I knew with CERTAINTY I'd never met before telling other people at one function I was reporting on that she and I were always bumping into one another because she just LOVED to be with (bats of the eyelashes) ARTISTIC, CREATIVE people...  I felt like shaking her off, like when a dog tries to hump your foot!

Love the image of shaking off that frigging dog! Would that be a chihuahua? I despise the little yippers and nippers.

Yeah, thought the EP connection was fascinating and weird at the same time. I'm working on a sequel to a mystery and I think I may have to slide that bit into it. Did you know, he hated Jews and was pro-fascist? Even did radio broadcasts against the allies. The US declared him insane and put him at St. Elizabeth's. That's one way to discredit your opposition. Also tells you the kind of man my mother found attractive. (She was rabidly anti-semitic, but her best friend was a Jew). Perhaps, compared to her abusive, crazy husband, EP was a gem. 


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on March 01, 2005, 08:16:33 AM
Quote
Would that be a chihuahua?

The one I most remember for that habit was a toy poodle, actually - horny little thing.  Although individual little dogs can be big personalities, and fair play to them, I generally prefer big dogs.  (I remember when I was a student being invited with all our group to our head of department's home, where the family dachshund started on the foot of another of the girl students, where she was sitting on the floor.  Mrs HoD was very embarrassed and tried to detach the animal, and this naive 18-year-old said, 'No, leave him - it's all right - I love dogs.'  The rest of us were crying with laughter!)

I did know about EPs views, but not that he'd been put away for them by the US Government.  That's interesting, considering the outcry about the USSR doing the same thing later.  Without making a value-judgement  on the opinions involved, we can still say they're both cases of involving the medical fraternity in censorship, aren't they?

What a mixture of feelings in your mother.  How old did you get to be before you came to realize the contradictions?


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 01, 2005, 08:37:50 AM
I think I was in my pre-teens when I realized that she was really crazy, too. Always very abusive, racist, anti-semitic. Lots of horrible tales that I now draw on in my writing. Thanks, Mom! ;D Used an altered version of her for one of the main characters in my first novel (a mystery) and her long friendship with a Jewish neighbor as a stepping off point, in part. Did a lot of going back and forth between current time and the 1940's to explain the relationship and why the mother was so horrible.  Daughter in story is psychic  :) and dreams and has visions that put the tale together across the decades.

At this point in my life, I can look back and see that she is a borderline personality disorder. All the sibs went into human services. My sister's a psychiatric nurse, brother started in child development and family relations and I started in psych. A pattern of trying to find out what happened and how to fix it in the next generation, no?

She was furious when I converted to Judaism and married a Jew in a synagogue. She threatened not to come, then showed up. My brother  (former Green Beret) had a plan if she acted out. He was going to knock her out and drag her out of the service.  That's my big brother!

I'll sit down and shut up now.  :D

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on March 01, 2005, 09:02:46 AM
Quote
I'll sit down and shut up now.

No need.  These things happened, and you get fuel from them.  It's interesting, too.  Whatever drives your motor!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: santhere on March 01, 2005, 09:49:01 AM
I don't think I will participate, since school is bugging me again for assignments and other stuff :lol:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 01, 2005, 10:45:10 AM
I don't think I will participate, since school is bugging me again for assignments and other stuff :lol:

Oh, that :bleh:!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on March 01, 2005, 12:14:16 PM
You offering to write to his tutor?  ;)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 01, 2005, 02:39:54 PM
You offering to write to his tutor?  ;)
Sure, I'll tell his tutor that he's doing an online assignment with a prof from the US. That should go over well.  :D

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: santhere on March 01, 2005, 03:43:56 PM
that would be like totally awesome ::)
Though I somehow doubt it will work ;)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on March 01, 2005, 04:05:13 PM
We can all dream.  ::)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: LesFloyd on March 05, 2005, 12:23:29 PM
D'oh!  :/

I will write one next month.

Les


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 05, 2005, 03:33:07 PM
This story was just sent to me by Sharon.  Thanks :afro:  (I'd rather folks posted their own stories tho - for future reference - just in case I cock something up and upset somebody  :/ )

Someone Might See
By Sharon Bell Buchbinder
(1,108 Words, Excluding Title and Byline)

I know this is a strange story, but it's true, I swear to God. Please listen to me. You're my only hope.

I get outta the joint yesterday and I'm hitchhiking on I-83, trying to get out of the city. The only reason I got out early is because they were overcrowded. There's a bunch of us out now--druggies, thieves, carjackers, rapists, even murderers. But, then, I guess you know that.

Anyway, I'm hitchhiking, and a little red VW bug stops and pulls over. It's brand-spanking new, even has the flower on the dashboard. And the passenger side door opens and a woman says, "Hop in."

I hop in and the driver is a babe in a skin tight, high-necked red dress. Long blonde hair, big lips, big tits, and from what I could see, a big ass. And she smells like roses. A year in the joint with horny, fart stinking, ugly guys and now this babe appears outta nowhere. I'm getting a woody just looking at her.

So, she says, "Where to?"

I says, "Anywhere outta this shit hole of a town."

She laughs this low, rumbling kind of laugh, and says, "No problem. I'm heading home. Wanna come?"

Wanna come? I'm about to come right then and there, but I say, "Yeah, baby, that sounds great."

She's hot for me, I know she is. She gives me those quick sidewise looks, smiles, licks her lips and tosses that mane of hair.  So, I decide to take a chance and put my hand on her thigh.

She puts her hand on top of mine, and slides it under her dress. I'm about to die, I'm telling ya. We can't wait any longer, so as soon as she can, she gets off the highway and drives down a side road. We're all over each other in seconds, two octopuses in lust inside a little VW bug, and I pull my pants down. And the bitch starts laughing.

"What's so funny?" I say.

"You are baby," she says and looks at my woody, which is now starting to wilt. And she laughs some more.

All of a sudden, my hands are around her neck, but she's fighting like a cat and scratching at my eyes and biting my hands. I hold on and I'm choking that smug look off her face. And, at last, the bitch's eyes roll up in her head and she stops struggling.

Then I panic. I gotta ditch the body and this looks like as good a place as any. I drag her outta the car, all the way into a bunch of bushes and then I see the houses. That's no good, someone might see. I'm thinking, where can I hide her? I can't afford to be caught. They won't ever let me out this time. This is all her fault. If only the bitch hadn't started laughing when I pulled my pants down.

Then I think, Jesus! What am I going to do about her car? She bit my hand and my blood's all over it. If they find the car, they'll find me! I tell myself to calm down, take deep breaths like they taught you in prison.

Then I remember there's a reservoir a little further up the highway. Yeah, that's right. No one will see it there. I'll just drive the car over to the edge, her in it, and give it a shove. No problem. Yeah. I'll just drag her back to the car and we're off.

So, I pull the body back to the car and there's no car. Do you believe that? Someone took the fucking car. Do I have shit luck, or what?

I drop the body and start running up and down the road, looking for a car, truck, mule--anything to get me outta there. Then I remember the houses. I'll just walk over to one of those houses and boost a car.

So, I walk back to where I left the body and it's gone. This is not happening, I tell myself. Who would steal a body? A car, I can understand. A body? Makes no sense. I'm running in and out of the bushes, getting more scratches and tears at my face and arms and sweating bullets. I turn to go back out to the road.

The next thing I know, I'm lying on my side, trussed up like a pig at a luau and the bitch is sitting on my ribs with her hands on my throat. She doesn't look so hot now. She has red marks all over her neck and her eyes are blood-shot. And she's smiling, this really weird, creepy smile.

"Oh, baby," she says. "We're gonna have some fun."

And she drags me through the bushes to one of the houses, opens a sliding glass door and pulls me though it, all nice and casual, like she does this everyday.

"Honey," she yells out, "I'm home. And I've brought a friend to play with us."

And the biggest, ugliest woman I have ever seen comes into the kitchen and smiles at me with two rows of candy corn teeth. She's wearing a big, flowery Hawaiian muumuu and has hairy arms and dirty feet, which I can see just fine, since my nose is next to them.

"Oh, baby, he's a cute one," the ugly one says in a voice lower than mine.

"What shall we play first?" the blonde bitch says to the ugly one.

"Hmmm, let's play, 'Your Turn in the Barrel!'" the ugly one says.

"I love that game!" the blonde bitch says in a deep voice.

I'm screaming and crying and they're laughing and saying how much fun they're gonna have with me, but first they want me to see the "play room" and "freshen up," since I've been "working out." So, they drag me downstairs to a locking room with a metal cot and a skinny mattress and leg irons on long chains. They untie me and order me to strip. Just as I'm leaning down to untie my shoes, I grab the chain, swing it around and hit the ugly one on the side of the head with the leg iron. She goes down like a tree.

The blonde turns to run up the stairs and I grab the bitch's arm and throw her against the wall. She goes down and I run out the door, slam it behind me and lock it. And get the hell outta there.

So, I was wondering, Officer, is there any chance I could go back to prison? I don't feel safe out here.





Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: canadian on March 05, 2005, 05:36:16 PM
Whoa. Good one, Sharon. Me likes!  :dance:

One teeny prob:

*He goes down like a tree.*

I think you meant "She goes down like a tree."


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: JoyceCarter on March 05, 2005, 06:42:27 PM
I am SO SORRY for not getting a story in, after actually suggesting the deadline.  Like I said on the thread about the flash, we unexpectedly got a house full of people today, and it shot all my ideas about how I was going to spend my time.  My husband has been building us a new computer, and he was just at the stage where most of the work is done, and he was all ready to get all our preferred software loaded and everything, and that all went by the board as well.

(It was very jet-lagged dear family, so I'm not going to complain too much, though.)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 05, 2005, 07:02:25 PM
Whoa. Good one, Sharon. Me likes!  :dance:

One teeny prob:

*He goes down like a tree.*

I think you meant "She goes down like a tree."

Merci for both comments. Will work that.  :kiss:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 05, 2005, 07:25:51 PM
I wrote a very silly one, not for inclusion in the vote :afro:

Not a happy bunny
By Ed Dempster

“Megatron Defense Systems is proud to present the X1400 battlefield prototype.  Gentlemen, I give you the weapon of the future.”  The spokesman thumbed a button on the podium.  Fireworks burst over a distant stage, and out of the haze of smoke and showers of sparks hopped a twelve-foot tall mechanical rabbit, with camouflage patterned fur coat and a wicker basket.  With it bounding along in the background, dipping its hand into the basket and liberally sprinkling the ground with hand grenades, the MDS representative continued his sales pitch to a group of frowning and obviously bemused generals, “As you can see, the weapon can be used to scatter grenades, bomblets, and anti personnel mines.  Imagine this bounding-beauty in an enemy trench – fearlessly dispensing destruction at the flick of a switch.  In peacetime, distributing chocolate to the children of the former war-zone, without risk of injury to troops from sniper fire…”

“Son, you’ve got to be joking!” bellowed General Ogelthorpe, “The US military would be the laughing stock of the entire God damned world!  It looks like a post-apocalyptic Energizer Bunny, for Christ’s sake!”

“I think you’re failing to see the big picture, General Ogelthorpe, we…”

“I see the big picture, Son!  I see that a bunch of geeky jack-off civilians have conned the US Government out of fifty-six billion dollars in research grants, and all they’ve got in return is a fluffy twelve-foot, bucked toothed fucking robot!”

The rabbit paused and appeared to prick-up its floppy ears.

“General, please keep your voice down – the X1400 will hear you!”

“God damned happy-faced mother fucking bag of bolts will hear me, huh?  Like I give a shit!  Why I ought to grab a God damned rocket launcher and…”

“Really, I wouldn’t finish that sentence, Gener…”

“…blow its mother fucking head off!”

The rabbit drops its basket, turns in the general’s direction and springs along the ground.  As it springs, a chromed appendage, proportionate with its overall size, appears from its groin area.  Ogelthorpe back-pedals with eyes wide, and stammers, “What’s it doing, wh-wh-why’s it doing that?”

“Well, you know what rabbits are famous for?  We decided it would be kind of poetic to make that attribute its main form of defence – the X1400 is going to shag you for dissing it.”

“WHAT?”

“I’d run, if I was you.”

“Aah!”

The general zig-zags, screaming, towards an armoured personnel carrier, with the twelve-foot horny mechanical bunny hot on his heels.

“And perhaps you’d be interested to hear that we’ve taken the liberty of making a Kangaroo variant, for the Australian Army….” The spokesman continued his sales pitch, from that point onwards, free of dissenting voices.

THE END

(441 words)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 06, 2005, 05:23:00 AM
I've just read Sharon's story :afro:  Love it :grin:

BTW, I've added a poll to the first page of this thread to decide which story will adorn the front page of the site.  It's open for 24 hours, so please get on and vote :smiley:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Walker on March 06, 2005, 09:00:42 AM
Sharon, you're not gonna believe this but, yesterday I wrote a flash piece for another forum and inadvertantly used your name in the flash. It really was a coincidence because my wife picked the first name and I picked the last name from one of my son's friends, whose last name is also Bell. It wasn't until later I realized what I had done. The good news is that in my flash piece, Sharon Bell is a really hot chick! If you wanna read it, it's over at Bewrite in the flash challenge for the weekend.  ;)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: canadian on March 06, 2005, 10:39:28 AM
Blunt, loved your bunny robot.  :grin:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 06, 2005, 12:05:42 PM
Sharon, you're not gonna believe this but, yesterday I wrote a flash piece for another forum and inadvertantly used your name in the flash. It really was a coincidence because my wife picked the first name and I picked the last name from one of my son's friends, whose last name is also Bell. It wasn't until later I realized what I had done. The good news is that in my flash piece, Sharon Bell is a really hot chick! If you wanna read it, it's over at Bewrite in the flash challenge for the weekend.  ;)

I feel honored! Now I have to join BeWrite as SharonBell and see what kind of response I get!  :lol: :lol:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 06, 2005, 12:08:16 PM
Blunt--

Your Bunny from Hell story is hysterical!

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Walker on March 06, 2005, 12:09:05 PM

I feel honored! Now I have to join BeWrite as SharonBell and see what kind of response I get!  :lol: :lol:
Quote

I imagine people will wonder if you actually do like the chicken dance... :shocked:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 06, 2005, 02:47:52 PM
Quote

I imagine people will wonder if you actually do like the chicken dance... :shocked:
Quote

Only at weddings and Bar Mitzvahs!  :D



Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: LashSlash on March 06, 2005, 03:21:04 PM
Mazel-tov


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 06, 2005, 04:40:02 PM
Gusundheit!  :D


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 06, 2005, 05:02:31 PM
Some friends of ours recently went to a Jewish wedding - they said it was fantastic.  Lots of singing and dancing and breaking plates and all that malarchy.  Sounds excellent.  I'd love to go to one - ordinary RC or CofE weddings are tedious in the extreme.  I was even bored shitless at my own FFS :huh:

Plus at Greek, Jewish and dozens of other types of weddings, there's the tradition of pinning money to the bride's dress.  Some couples come away with thousands.  What better way is there to begin married life?  A nice little nest-egg, with which to start a family, or get settled in your new home - much better than sets of towels and all the other twaddle you usually get for wedding presents. :afro:

Same with Bar Mitzvahs - at the age of thirteen, most kids are poor as church mice, at a time in their life when they want to do and have loads of things.  I can't imagine how great it would have been to receive loads of envelopes full of cash, to celebrate the beginning of manhood.  All I got was dozens of bottles of aftershave :angry:


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 06, 2005, 06:00:07 PM
My wedding was pretty tame in 1976. I had just converted to Judaism (conservative--sort of between the two ends of the spectrum) and my mother was furious. She was a holy-roller speaks-in-tongues, I-have-conversations-with Jesus-type. Two Jews and two non-Jews held a large prayer shawl as a chuppah in come as you want clothing. Lots of long hair, powder blue leisure suits and polyester dresses. My wedding dress cost $55. Not much money for the wedding as my mother was about to disown me. I paid for it, Dale's parents rejoined the temple (conservative) which cost them a bundle, then gave us a honeymoon in Greece. They were generous folks.

One of my students invited me to her very religious Jewish wedding (Litvat) which was as you described, boisterous and fun, men on one side, women on the other. They even dragged Dale up on the dance floor, in the geriatric group, very funny as he won't dance with me. I will remember that wedding for the rest of my life. The girl's family paid a fortune and were having another wedding the following week for her younger sister, as Passover was fast approaching and it was the wedding season, b/c there could be no weddings past a certain date. That wedding hall was booked!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 06, 2005, 06:52:38 PM
Fascinating stuff :afro:

I was watching a TV prog a couple weeks ago - it was all about Jewish families in Britain, and how they live their lives.  It seems very restrictive in a lot of ways, and I think the women appear to get the better part of the deal, but I suppose, if you're brought up with the system, it would probably make you a more disciplined person than I am.  Having to pray three times a day, memorize passages from the Torah, and learn Yiddish :o  I don't think I could handle all that :/  Guess I'm just lazy.

Has converting changed your life much, Sharon?  (if you don't mind me asking)


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 06, 2005, 08:12:05 PM
This will sound very strange, but I wanted to be Jewish from the time I was 10 years old. My mother was crazy & abusive, my father out of the picture (an alcoholic) and my world was run by a punishing god who "spoke" to my mother. Yes, religious delusions. Think "Carrie." I met a girl at Girl Scout camp who was Jewish, we became great friends and I spent lots of weekends with her. They were SANE, warm, wonderful, kind people.  I figured it had to be b/c they were Jewish. :D

I met Dale when he was a medical student, I was an IV therapist.  Was introduced to him on an elevator for about 10 seconds. Didn't see him again, but had a dream a month later that I would marry him. Went to work and told all my friends, who laughed uproariously, b/c I was not the "marrying kind." Three months later, he called me. We were engaged 6 months after our first date, married 5 months later. A whirlwind romance, with conversion thrown in (MY choice) along with a new Hebrew name (Sarah) all before the wedding.

I have never reqretted my decision. The rabbi we first went to, gave me such a hard time that I wanted to cry and throw up. Dale wanted to punch him. Then we found out the rule: they are supposed to turn converts away 3 times. It is a non-proselytizing religion. Other than Jews for Jesus (which are not considered "real Jews") you won't find rabbis out on the streets, trolling for converts. It's just not done. So, after that, I had a 6 month crash course in being a Jew. My husband said he learned more from that than he did his Bar Mitzvah.

We don't keep kosher, we're Reform. So, I don't pray 3 times or more a day, and I'm not much of a Talmudic scholar, but I respect those who are. The Reform movement began in Germany as a reaction to ultra-orthodoxy, and my hunch is a desire for assimilation. Our first synagogue (here in US) looked a lot like a big Protestant church (minus the cross) to me, complete with organ and choir, which is not the norm for the more conservative and orthodox. I don't speak for all Jews, but in my experience, I have found Reform Jews to be very big on social activism, justice, equality for women, hunger, etc. Big donors to causes and advocates for tolerance and racial equities.  We were very active in our Reform synagogue here (I was a macher -- a big shot) head of strategic planning, etc. Had a HUGE falling out with the rabbi. Now "un-shuled" but never regret my choice to become a Jew.   

Aren't you sorry you asked?  :shocked:

Shalom and TTFN!

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 07, 2005, 04:16:25 AM
No, not at all - I'm very interested in other people's ways of life, and their life stories.  I like reading autobiographies more than novels :smiley:

BTW, Sharon - congrats on grabbing this month's front page :afro:  Good story.  I like it.


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: LashSlash on March 07, 2005, 08:14:32 AM
Double those congrats, Sara the daughter of Sara our Mother,
you deserved to win, despite all those Canadians backing you, and also due to the obvious efforts that you made as opposed to MY pulling out of some nonsense from a file.
Hey... I did come in second though!!!


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 07, 2005, 08:19:14 AM
Thanks Blunt and LS (Landsman!) for you kind words. BTW, I found a typo in the story. Can that be fixed before it goes on the front page? It's in this line:

And she drags me through the bushes...


Thanks, this is very exciting!

Sharon aka Sarah aka Sara


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 07, 2005, 12:57:44 PM
Thanks Blunt and LS (Landsman!) for you kind words. BTW, I found a typo in the story. Can that be fixed before it goes on the front page? It's in this line:

And she drags me through the bushes...


Thanks, this is very exciting!

Sharon aka Sarah aka Sara

Yup - it's done now :afro: thanks for the story.


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 07, 2005, 02:49:54 PM
Many thanks! Looks great. Love the daffodils. Do you have an archive with permanent links for stories, or are they down at the end of the month?

Sharon


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: Ed on March 07, 2005, 05:17:25 PM
Many thanks! Looks great. Love the daffodils. Do you have an archive with permanent links for stories, or are they down at the end of the month?

Sharon

Thanks - glad you like it :afro:

As for the archive - it's in the works... like a lot of things :hidin:  I desperately need to update the authors page, and I'm just wondering what the best layout would be to display a list of stories.  What I'm thinking is that it would be good to have an 'old front pages' section, one for each month, but to archive any other stories under the author's name, rather than doing it in date order.  Reason being, in a large archive, filed in date order, people only tend to read the current month, or the previous one.  If the stories are filed under author names, people might read a story and decide to look up other work by that author.

What would be really good, is if I could take a crash course in PHP and store all the stories in a central database - then I could use 'includes' to display stuff easily and automatically, with a few lines of code, instead of having to make dozens of html pages and keep manually updating them :o  Maybe tomorrow :/


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 07, 2005, 05:25:03 PM
Yeah, just put that on your "List of Things to Do!"  :D


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: LesFloyd on March 07, 2005, 07:58:18 PM
I'm a Jedi. It has it's advantages and disadvantages, but mostly disadvantages. Actually, I can't think of any advantages. Disadvantages are thinking it has advantages, then turning your knee after a slightly higher jump than you'd normally attempt, or being his by a car when trying to engage a 'force stop'.  :/

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2757067.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2218456.stm


Title: Re: New CafeDoom feature
Post by: SharonBell on March 08, 2005, 06:10:43 AM
I am anxious to see how many in the US now decide to convert to Jediism. I hear it's a very rigourous conversion ceremony. You have to lift a spaceship out of mud, using your thoughts alone. The UK and Australia must be having a boom in things lifting up mysteriously! :D

Sharon


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