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The Critique Crypt => General writing chat => Topic started by: Ed on November 09, 2004, 05:02:01 PM

Title: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Ed on November 09, 2004, 05:02:01 PM
Inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton contest, I thought this might be fun to do ;D  The idea is that you construct an opening gambit for what is destined to be a really bad novel.  One or two sentences maximum, say about fifty to a hundred words or less.

This link might provide a little inspiration, but not much - http://www.ukauthors.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=596&mode=thread&order=1&thold=0

I'll start us off....

"Boris had always thought Aunty Marion's hair looked a bit straggly, but today, on finding her sitting on her favourite garden chair in the middle of a torrential downpour, it struck him that he didn't know anybody else with a family of crows nesting on top of their head.  That, combined with the fact she hadn't moved in five years, led him to the conclusion she might be a little under the weather."  :fugly:
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Neuromancer on November 09, 2004, 05:13:03 PM
"The moon hung low in the sky, like a ping pong ball.  Not exactly like a ping pong ball, but like one that had been painted to look like the moon and that could hang in mid air without moving."
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Ed on November 09, 2004, 05:58:22 PM
I like it :D
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: GrinReaper on November 09, 2004, 07:07:14 PM
George considered his toenails. Were they dirty again? Yes, he was sure they were dirty again and yet, how could that be? He'd only cleaned them the day before, and usually he only cleaned them once a week, whether they needed it or not. But they were definitely dirty... again.

George sat bolt upright in bed, sweat pouring off his brow. Dreaming of toenails again? George was sure he'd been dreaming of toenails again, dirty toenails. And yet, how could that be? George only ever dreamt of page three girls.
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Neuromancer on November 09, 2004, 08:40:39 PM
"Kama-Sutra you nad me, kama sutra 1,2,3
We can do it in a house, we can do it with a mouse
We can do it yes we can, with a girl or with a man
We can do it on our head, we can do it in a bed
Kama sutra you and me kama sutra 1,2,3"
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Sunny on November 09, 2004, 11:12:37 PM
Formidable ominous presence, Georgia was definitely on my mind.  These were my thoughts this treacherous night while my blue eyes sat crying in the rain. While the bad moon was rising on my left, I couldn’t help but to feel like an angel flying to close to the ground.  :cheers:



Sorry, couldn't help but to use some Willie for a bit of inspiration, hope that doesn't  break any rules  :D
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Neuromancer on November 09, 2004, 11:28:58 PM
Hmm sunny, the opener is supposed to be for a BAD novel.  Not a good one ;)

Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Sunny on November 09, 2004, 11:31:33 PM
 :D :D ;)

You're funny Neuro. It was thrown together in a min. and its just a complete rambling mess which makes no sense  :bleh:
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Neuromancer on November 09, 2004, 11:38:51 PM
I get it now that you explain it... all songs.. heh heh

Yeah big words throw me sometimes (funny since I liketo usethem so much ;) )
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Sunny on November 09, 2004, 11:54:39 PM
 ;)

Now, can you name the songs?    :o
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Ed on November 15, 2004, 06:42:18 PM
Um...nope, but here's another one ;D

Eric and Burt went everywhere together, ever since birth they were inseperable, like Siamese Twins, probably because they were Siamese Twins.  Two heads, one body, no problem...until Eric came out of the closet and declared he was gay, much to the consternation of Burt, who was a confirmed homophobic and had overall control of the bodily functions department. :o :D
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: Neuromancer on November 15, 2004, 08:41:12 PM
Dang Blunt sounds like a tabloid article.. you just perusing the Sun or did you actually make that up.  LLOL
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: JaseC on October 26, 2005, 04:28:43 PM
Looking at his "Pithiest man of the year" award caused Norbert to tremble with anticipation for this years gala. He started to sip his Japanese Sencha tea that he ordered straight from Mount Echigo and then considered the pithiness of that action. Instead he turned to the door and hoped someone would come in soon so he could be snide. That always warmed him up!
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: canadian on October 26, 2005, 05:08:59 PM
On a dark and stormy morning, Karen awoke with a jerk. She got real pissed off when she realized that everything she'd experienced about Scunthorpe had just been a dream. As raindrops splished and splahed into wet puddles of water underneath her glassy windows, she sat up and scratched her crotch, stuck her longest fingernail into her mouth and retrieved a hunk of cabbage that had been lodged between her back molars for at least four days.
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: JoyceCarter on October 26, 2005, 05:42:36 PM
Is that OUR Scunthorpe? (I suppose there could be a Canadian one.)  Have you been to Scunthorpe getting inspiration, Donna?!  :shocked: :D
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: canadian on October 26, 2005, 06:09:15 PM
Have to admit I had a bit of help on that one, Joyce. Doug's got a 'thing' for Scunthorpe! Haven't quite figured out what it is ... yet ...  :huh:
Title: Re: Game - Opening lines
Post by: JoyceCarter on October 27, 2005, 04:03:57 AM
I haven't ever been there, but I don't think the average Brit would pick on it by reputation as first and obvious for a dream location.  Don't get me wrong - I'm sure it must be possible to have wonderful experiences in Scunthorpe  :shocked:, and the Scunthorpians (?!) are probably doing so every day of the week  :afro: :azn:, but they aren't really famous in the rest of the country!