The Original Hollywood Squares--Tooo Funny!!

[SharonBell]

If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Please note: most, if not all, of those answering the questions are (now) gone!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
 
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years .
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hand while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and! I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
 
Q. While visiting China , your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!"   What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.

[doolols]

That was very good, Sharon. Thanks.

Over here, we had a lame imitator called Celebrity Squares. It was never terribly funny. God knows why I watched it each week 

[Ed]

   Those are hilarious

Like Gerald says, the British version was pathetic.  That type of thing is a true test of a person's comic ability, and most of the Brits failed the test.   

[canadian]

Thanks for those, Sharon. Gawd, I'd forgotten how truly wonderful Rose Marie was! And I loved Paul Lynde's foppish (and those were the days before I knew anything about gay men).

[SharonBell]

I read these out loud to my husband, and laughed so hard I cried. 

[Geoff_N]

Brilliant, Sharon.  I laughed so much I became visible again. 

Geoff

[doolols]

I laughed so much I became visible again. 

Bit of an 'in'joke, there? Made me laff, tho' 

[Ed]

Ha!

[Lord_of_the_Dense]

Thanks for the memories, Sharon.