Silly Similes Thread

[Ed]

No, not silly smilies

Silly similes - "As daft as a brush."  Was one of my nan's favourite sayings.  What's daft about a brush?  I've no idea, but there are plenty of other similes that make good sense - some are downright funny, others poignant, like Radiohead's, "A heart that's full up like a landfill."

Let's see if we can get a collection of them going here - possibly a thread as long as a porn star's pecker, or... ?

[Ed]

This is more like the Billy-no-mates thread. 

OK, bad idea.

[sharon]

Crazy as a shithouse rat 

Happy as a rat in a dumpster 

Yer bout as bright as the bottom of a coal bucket   

Dark as a carload of assholes 

Mad as a one-legged man in an arse-kickin contest 

Running around like a chicken with its head cut off   

Madder than a wet hen 


Hey, blunt.... I got plenty more of these.  How many ye want me to post?

[Ed]

That's cool, thanks, Sharon

I just thought it might be fun.  I like the coal bucket one

[JaseC]

Blacker than a carload of assholes

Faster than a fat chicks chat window on a friday night...

I'll think of more

[sharon]

dumber than a hammer

busier than a long-tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs

higher than a Georgia pine

jumpier than a cat on a hot tin roof

naked as a jay bird    (never really got that one)

tighter than a nun's headdress

uglier than sin

brighter than a burned out light bulb

perkier than a 3-toed sloth

slower than steam off cow shit

slower than molasses in January

more nervous than a whore in church

[Ed]

perkier than a 3-toed sloth

WTF?

Rarer than rocking horse shit.

Face like a bag of hammers.

Face like chewed toffee.

Teeth like stars (they come out at night)

Happier than a dog with two dicks

[sharon]

   Yay, Blunt!   

happier than a speckled pup with three peters (The TN version, I guess) 


love the rocking horse and the teeth lines 

[Ed]

Heheh

Stickier than Sticky the stick insect's butt-crack

[sharon]

uglier than the south end of a north bound mule

his attention span is about as long as his pecker

grouchy as a bear

meaner than a rattlesnake



Okay what about these?

I'll hit you so hard your teeth'll sound like a covey of quails as they flutter out your arse.

I'll hit you so hard and fast you'll swear thunder and lightning struck you.

I need your opinion bout like I need a hole in the head.  

Rained so hard it sounded like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

...and we wonder why people have a hard time understandin us in TN  

[sharon]

went down like a nun's knickers

cuddly as a porcupine

[SharonBell]

These are multiple choice; please choose ONE answer:

He was all over her like:

--white on rice.
--flies on shit.
--a used condom.

His breath smelled like he had:

--licked out a toilet bowl.
--snacked on roadkill hors d'oerves.
--turds and milk for breakfast.

When she raised her arms:

--braids of hair fell out.
--loose change fell out .
--a midget fell out--dead.

[sharon]

cute as a button

meaner than a junkyard dog

fatter than a hog

sweet as apple pie

warm as TN whiskey

colder than ice

hotter than blue blazes

flames my ass like a three-foot fire

uglier than homemade sin

[sharon]

snug as a bug in a rug

My wife's like a used baby diaper and me boss all in one...full of shit and on me back

so skinny she looks like death suckin on a Life Saver

she looks like death warmed over

his eyes are so sunk in they look like two piss holes in a snow mound

colder than a witch's titty

green as a gourd

black as sin

my knees are like cheating husbands (they go out on me when I least expect them to)

hotter than hell's kitchen

big as life and twice as ugly

meaner than damn it and hell fire put together

gone quicker than a fat woman's onion rings

joints like a bank vault (they lock up every night)

colder than a well-digger's arse

she's so skinny if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue she'd look like a zipper