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Cafe Doom  |  The Critique Crypt  |  General writing chat  |  Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers
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Author Topic: Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers  (Read 5892 times)

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Offline SharonBell

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I bet the UK has a similar list, because lists are, like, listing all over the world.

http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

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Offline Geoff_N

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Re: Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2006, 01:58:16 PM »
Thanks, Sharon. I particularly liked this one

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

Lists of student exam howlers abound on the web. One of my favourites, which I actually had to grade in a 13-year-old kid's History exam:

Henry VIII was so heavy he had to have a special crane built so he could mount his hore.

The ironic thing is that this was true in both senses and spellings :)

Geoff

Offline SharonBell

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Re: Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2006, 02:37:05 PM »
Yes, I liked that one, too. Thanksgiving, carving turkeys, chasing kids with power tools--it's the American way!  :grin:

Did you write ROFL on that paper? I would have!  :grin: I usually just get the interesting words that spell check misses: "When you begin this project, it is important to asses the community."

I'm sure there are lots of asses in the community, but we will have to assess that now, won't we?
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline canadian

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Re: Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2006, 07:50:12 PM »
Notice how many of these rely way too much on the word 'like'? Like, wow, man!

This one would be a good prompt for a story:

"She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef."  :grin:

And this one made me howl:

"He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up." (doesn't include that 'like' word but comes real close!)

Some of my other faves:

"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something."

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph." (methinks this person just came out of writing a four hour math exam)

"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup." (nice description!)

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."  Uh huh.


 
If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance. -- George Carlin

Offline SharonBell

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Re: Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2006, 10:18:08 PM »
Like, amazing, isn't it?  :shocked:
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline Ed

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Re: Funniest Analogies Collected by (US) High School English Teachers
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2006, 03:40:26 AM »
My favourite is, "She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up." :grin:  Lovely girl.  My friend's mum used to laugh like a donkey - and I mean she really brayed, loud and hoarse.  It was the kind of laugh that wasn't infectuous, it was just plain alarming :shocked:  She had the ability to kill the conversation of an entire room full of people with one chortle.
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]

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