One of those e-mails

[Ed]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
1. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

2. What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

3. What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

4. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.

5. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

6. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

7. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

8. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

9. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

10. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Pepper spray will do that to you.

11. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

12. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

13. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

14. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

15. What's the difference between an Australian zoo and a English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

16. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

17. What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

18. Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides. 

[DragonMom]