3AM stream of consciousness

[Neuromancer]

Another sleepless night...

Waking in the early evening, trying hard to regain unconsciousness.  Tremors wrack my muscles, as demons dance their fiery shuffle up and down my spine.  Small explosions of light and heat with each footfall, blend into a monotonous roar.  So I lie awake again.  Get up and pull myself into the chair.  The sole source of life for me now.  Spending each day plodding my overplump sausages over the blackened keys off my social stigmata.  I stretch and pace my room, lighting new fires in the dry sahara of my neural network.  Anything, even pain is better then the constant ache of my exsistance.

Joy, is fleeting.  The dull fire of life has warmed again.  Not even the icy knuckles of depression can wane the ache that prevails in my body.  No treatment seems available.  I can never tell the doctors about the misery the prevades my every thoguht.  A room with no key, a night with no moon.  I have my computer, and its windows (tm) to the world.

So I try to hone my craft instead.  What else can I do? My mind is all that is left.  A carbon dioxide addled processor choked with the fumes of overheat, and exhaustion.  Stream of consciousness is all I have, and this constant layingawake, is building a dam of that.

AM I missing something.  Perhaps these sleepless nights are a sign. Is my body talking to me.  SCience is a wonderful religion.  Evolution and biological responses work ahnd in hand to preserve the species.  Perhaps misery is evolutions way of adding chlorine to the gene pool.  Mayhaps science is telling me I should not exsist.  Is biology speaking to me?

What's that you say?  No, stop telling me that.  It benefits no one and leaves only a mess for someone else to clean up.  Some young college student making 12 bucks an hour, cleaning up after fires, and car accidents and ...

A leaky exhaust pipe.  An accidental prescription ingestion, an allergic reaction.  Or random street mugging.  Amazing how life clings so firmly to those that want it least.

Ah fantasy, how wonderful an escape.  I almost forgot my own misery for a moment. 

Perhaps a bottle of pills and some beer will help me sleep... whats this rat poison?  Sounds deliscious, sign me up for a second helping please.

[Ed]

Deliciously dark, m8.  Dunno why you're so hesitant to post your work; this is great stuff!

Love your new sig too - didn't know you had gfx skills as well

[Troglodyte]

Ditto

[speyeder]

Great stuff Neuro, I always enjoy your perspective and gift for expressing it. Life is a journey, it is what you make of it. Most of us are afflicted in one way or another with some cripplling malady, and this can negatively impact our lives if we let it. This "malaise" can take the form of emotional disorders or physical handicap or injury. Both can cause other symptoms in seemingly unconnected areas.  Sometimes we can fight it with a high degree of success, and other times we become it's victim by giving in. The level to which we are willing to take the fight to defend our quality of life and enjoyment levels is what makes the difference. My addictions and the bahavior surrounding them reduced me to nothing many times, and I have been fighting them my entire adult life. We play the hand we are dealt, and our level of motivation and focus determines our reality.