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55850 Posts in 6180 Topics by 556 Members - Latest Member: wallynicholson666 December 18, 2017, 01:33:45 PM
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Author Topic: Carousel Clowns  (Read 5356 times)
Lexie
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« on: August 09, 2007, 11:12:32 PM »

This and many of my writings deal with mania and depression, what it feels like for me.They are raw and unedited so I apologize if they don't make sense. It's time for me to put them out there , so any and all feedback would be great.                                                                                                             --Thanks

carousel clowns spinning between
watching as nothing is what it seems
running, screaming
through their death dreams
their faces haunt me through the night

bring them out from behind the light
look beyond their masks of bizarre
there you'll see what they really are

stop the merry-go-round
me and the horses want to be free
make it stop on middle ground
don't keep us locked in imagery
take me out of this carousel scene
give me a day without the extreme
the bizarre masks the beauty that slips in-between
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Ed
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« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2007, 04:22:15 AM »

Certainly conveys the feeling of fear and confusion, Lexie. Sorry I can't say anything critically useful - I don't know anything about poetry. Short stories are more my sort of thing smiley
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Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]
Geoff_N
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« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2007, 07:57:24 AM »

You have evoked imagery and feelings in there, Lexie. IMO these three lines need working on:

stop the merry-go-round
me and the horses want to be free
make it stop on middle ground

stop seems too mundane for the kind of urging you need and 'me and the horses' just feels wrong to me.

The chief experiences I have on carousels are the motion in three dimensions - horizontally circular and vertically up and down; and the typical organ-type music. I get neither feeling from your poem yet.

I hope this helps

Geoff
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Lexie
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« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2007, 02:07:41 PM »

Thanks for the input.  smiley

At the time I felt trapped, like the horses on a merry-go-round, tired of the ups and downs--the colors too bright, music too loud, chaos(mania). Mania feels like a carnival to me it's fun at first but too much going on at one time.
At this point I realized I was coming down --oddest thing is you never know your up until you start to come down,and would do anything for it to stop and you could be stable on middleground. Knowing how hi and long you stayed up will mirror how far you'll go down
.-------------------God I hope this isn't too much info, someone please tell me if this is not what you want to hear.

Going from extreme highs and dropping to almost suicidal lows  gives you feelings of fear,betrayal,confusion, anger and entrapment.
It can be sudden, feeling  like someone flipped a switch inside your head. It's random and frustrating as hell.

 These were written when I was unstable and barely taking meds. The feeling would be so strong, writing was the only way to process through. I never knew what would come out. I'm not a big fan of poetry, but I seem to have alot of it.
 
I am telling you this because-- now on meds and staying--I've learned the hard way!--I am editing all the old stuff, in the middle of 2 books and attempting articles.
Sooooooooo I really appreciate your input.

I am putting them up the way they were first written and will rely on your feedback before I edit.
                                                                                                                                                thanx so much
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Geoff_N
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« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2007, 02:25:45 PM »

That's fine, Lexie. Let it all out.

We've all either been there ourselves or are close to family and friends who have.

You are among friends.

Geoff
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Lexie
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« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2007, 03:37:06 PM »


I don't like outing myself--just the work, but have not met many people who have a clue what it's about.Without explanation the writing doesn't make sense, though it doesn't always need to does it?

My son is now struggling with the same thing--will not take meds continuously.So I am using my work toward shedding light, however dark in this direction.

I think I have finally found like minded,and appreciate all of your time.                                                             thanx
Sorry to make you cringe with my writing skills, I get lazy. My daughter edits for me but not this.


Would this subject  be better posted in miscellaneous?
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Ed
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« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2007, 04:39:22 PM »


Would this subject  be better posted in miscellaneous?


No - this isn't one of those forums where threads must stay on topic or the world will end (I hate those ones rolleyes ).

Some, if not all, of the most talented artists, authors, poets, musicians, scientists, etc., are and/or have been manic depressives, so although there's a bit of a stigma attached to the condition in some quarters, it definitely has its upsides, too afro  Just keep taking the lithium, as they say in the movies smiley
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Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]
Lexie
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« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2007, 05:20:06 PM »

thanx for creating a site that allows me and many others to express. Out of all  sites  I've been to, this has been the most welcoming and easiest to navigate. cheers
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Porphyry
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« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2007, 10:57:09 PM »

"bring them out from behind the light
look beyond their masks of bizarre
there you'll see what they really are
"

A particularly striking bit of lines in this, for which (in my personal opinion) the other strophes seem somehow inadequate. That is not to say that I think the piece isn't well done so much as these lines are evocative, whereas the other are closed off and diminished (something like passive voice). Used to convey a sense of shifting mood, it may work. The idea of the whole write (read "The Midnight Disease", I really don't recall the woman's name w/a phd that wrote it (she's a neurologist), but that might also shed some light into the co-relation of folks that have various psychiatric conditions/illnesses and writing in general-- most often, as cited by her, is bi-polar disorder) is wonderful, though I may be a tad hesitant to say that as only for the source. As for the tap & scoot (rhythm and flow), a few minor brushings would likely go a long way with that-- though works fine as is.  (I also agree on the "Stop the merry-go-round," that line seems awkward to the rest of the write-- you may consider retouching that a bit.

And if I am now not talking to myself (as the post is old), well done with the write Lexie.

Peace,
Po
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