The good morning, good night thread

[Ed]

Well, can't say I'm looking forward to the next few months. Had a lot of tests lately, then an MRI scan, followed a week later by a CAT scan, then another scan a couple days later. Turns out I have a tumour in my right kidney a bit bigger than a tennis ball. Now I'm in the weird position of dreading an operation but at the same time wishing they would hurry up and set a date. The last scan was to see if it had spread to my lungs and my lymph glands. Apparently it hasn't yet, but the longer they leave it the bigger the risk.

I reckon I'm going to lose the kidney, although I haven't spoken to any surgeons yet, so I don't know for sure. If one good thing comes from it, it'll be that I'm finally free of this back pain I've been putting up with for years. Dunno if I'm still in shock a week on from diagnosis, but I don't feel like I thought I would on getting a cancer diagnosis. I don't feel afraid. I don't feel anything. I just want them to get on with it.

You are the only people I have told, except my wife. I'm dreading telling the kids, and worst of all my mother. I'll have to tell them all soon. I'd just like to carry on as normal for as long as I can.

Wish me luck 

[delboy]

Bloody ' ell, Ed. Desperately sorry to hear that. But far better that they're aware of it and you're being lined up for an op - no matter how much you're dreading it. These days it seems ever more common for people to be in this position - many years ago it felt like it was rarer, but maybe it was no different. Point is, I know lots of people who have been through similar and all have done well - so all my digits are crossed for you, and my thoughts are with you. Anyway, take it easy, and don't let it spoil Christmas (if that's at all possible).

Derek

[Ed]

Thanks Del. Must admit I'm still pretty stoic about it. Telling my mother was the worst -- she just exploded in tears. My boys took it pretty hard, especially the youngest, with tears welling in his eyes. My wife, who was putting a brave face on it, suddenly had a meltdown the other day, with lots of tears. I think that's been the most difficult part of it for me, seeing other people upset.

I've seen the surgeon now and they squeezed me in for a pre-op assessment about a week ago. I wasn't supposed to have either until 8th Jan, but I put myself forward for a cancellation and they decided to make room for me. Surgeon was really nice. Savage irony that he's Egyptian, seeing as we couldn't go this year like we normally do. He's going to take the whole kidney. Says it isn't working now anyway, and wouldn't be viable to save. I suppose that's better, in that there is less chance of leaving anything behind. The tumour has a point sticking out of it and it's about a half inch away from touching my liver. He promised the operation would be within a month of the assessment, so it looks like I'll be under the knife before mid January. Then it's eight weeks of not being able to lift anything or do strenuous exercise. That's assuming I survive the op.

I'm feeling pretty positive about the whole thing, really. Just glad it was caught while they could do something with it.

Hope you had a good Christmas and your new year will be a happy one. Cheers

[delboy]

Glad you're feeling positive, Ed! Positive thoughts coming from this direction, too.

Hope 2020 gets progressively better for you.

Derek

[Ed]

Glad you're feeling positive, Ed! Positive thoughts coming from this direction, too.

Hope 2020 gets progressively better for you.

Derek

Thanks Del. D-Day this Friday 7am. Should be interesting 

[Rev. Austin]

Hola, chaps! Fingers crossed everything goes/went well today, Ed!!!

Del, I like your Cafe Doom Collective idea. The biggest hurdle, I think, to self-publishing is (like you guys mentioned) marketing. It'd take a bunch of time and money and effort, three things not everyone has all at once, so sharing the burden for mutual benefit seems like a no-brainer.

I've been very lucky in that Tommy's really well-behaved, so I have actually had a bunch of time to write. The only thing is, it's been articles, as a part-time job so I can still bring some money in whilst my wife's at work (I got married in December!). Anyway, I was thinking recently how the main thing that's stopping me plowing ahead with writing properly again is the lack of a network. I was very lucky ten years ago(!) to find you lot, and at the same time The Library of the Living Dead, as you were both fantastically supportive environments. I mean, there must be something similar out there now, but I feel like I'm out-of-touch and would be, effectively, starting all over again.

In other words, some kind of collective sounds brilliant haha