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Following last week's earthquake in the UK...

Started by Ed, March 11, 2008, 03:55:26 PM

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Ed

Subject: Earthquake disaster appeal, please help  :grin:



Disaster in Barnsley
An Appeal for Your Help




A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours
of Monday morning. Epicentre: Close to Barnsley, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing
pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly
muttering "fookinhell" and "choffin-norah".

The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several
priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars
were disturbed.

Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Barnsley
reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying
to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in
Barnsley.

One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom
crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was
still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning".

Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime
carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue
workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal
belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos,
and bone china from Pound-stretcher.




Can You Help....?
Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing
for the victims of this disaster.


Clothing is needed most of all, especially:



·   Fila or Burberry baseball caps



·   Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)



·   Shell suits (female)



·   White sports socks



·   Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts
will make a difference.
Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special
Brew are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:



·   22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims



·   £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9



·   £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

Please do not send tents for shelter.
The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the surrounding South
Yorkshire communities.

:afro:

Ay-up ya cheeky koontz...
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]

canadian

This one's got Doug laughing so hard there's spray on the monitor (and he's sitting half way across the room).

The pooooorrrrrr people of Barnsley. ;(
If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance. -- George Carlin

Ed

Glad to hear it :afro:

It was one of the few e-mails I've received that made me laugh. The bit that really got me was the culturally sensitive food parcels :grin:
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]

delph_ambi

As a former resident of Barnsley, I don't know whether to laugh or cry...  :crazy:

SharonBell

Omigod! That could be Baltimore, especially the 15 year old mother of 3--Chardonnay-Madonna? I just spit coffee!  :grin: Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Geoff_N

My brother, if I had one, lives in Barnsley and is polishing his clogs and sharpening his ferrets. You've been warned...