Test

[Lali]

Bananarama.





Mobana.


Pshfff, I'm such a child...

[Ed]

Cute

BTW, Lali - your banker's draft has finally reached us, with your name correctly spelled this time, and it will finally be winging its way to you via snail-mail this week!

About time too

It took this letter to my bank manager to make it happen -

Dear Sir

Re:   Ordering a Foreign Draft

I am writing to set out the events of the past few weeks and await your comments and confirmation that matters will be sorted out swiftly, as I have finally run out of patience.  I want this matter sorted out now, and I don't feel inclined to be messed around any more.

I came into the branch as long ago as mid December 2004 to order a Foreign Draft in the sum of $50.00  I duly completed Form NWB 1357 (copy enclosed) and was informed that the Draft would be with me shortly.  However, once received, I noticed that the name on the draft had been incorrectly spelt 'Lilitha' instead of 'Lalitha', as specified on the aforementioned form.  On contacting the beneficiary of the Draft, she confirmed that the Bank at her end would not accept the incorrect draft.  I therefore agreed to get back to yourselves and arrange for a new Draft to be issued.

I came back into the Bank several weeks ago, explained the predicament and was informed that, as this was a Bank error, the bank would re-issue the draft.  I came away feeling that everything had been dealt with in a very satisfactory and efficient manner.

How wrong could I have been?  Not only have we still to receive the amended Draft, but no-one seems to know what is going on and, although they make plenty of promises to get back in touch/sort things out, nothing has happened so far.  On two occasions, your staff have promised to phone me and let me know what the situation is and, as yet, neither of them have called me back at the time they said they would – in fact they haven't even bothered to call me back at all.  So far, I have had to make three special trips to the Bank now, to sort this out, but to no avail.  Nobody seems to be taking this seriously. 

(Cont'd over ...)


- 2 -


Ordering a Foreign Draft                  8th February 2005

(... Cont'd)

I appreciate that a Draft for $50.00 is small business for the Bank, but this is a sum of money that I promised to the beneficiary over six weeks ago and, in her eyes, I have not honoured that promise, which will not only give me a bad name, but makes me look extremely unprofessional.

I have banked with Nat West for many years now and hold a number of accounts.  I have to say that, up until now, I have been very happy with the service provided and have always found the bank to be very helpful and efficient.  In fact, only a couple of weeks ago, I was actually singing Nat West's praises to a group of friends that were disgruntled with their banks' performances.  Now I feel like I should eat my words.

If this matter is not resolved immediately, I will think very seriously about moving my business elsewhere.  Further, I would like to know what you are going to do to stop this type of farcical 'service' happening again, and have your reassurance that this type of ineptitude is not endemic at your branch of National Westminster Bank.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours faithfully

[canadian]

Wow, Blunt. I think you could make a decent career out of writing effective letters of complaint for people. 

[JoyceCarter]

Hooray!     Send them 'and about time too', and you'll probably be in line for one of those bunches of flowers or baskets of fruit I was telling you about!

Seriously, after our falling out with them, my husband sent them a bill for his time for having to make several phone calls and write letters to different people, and they actually paid it.

[Ed]

I could do better, Donna, but I was hopping mad at the time so a few word repeats slipped in, and a few capitalised letters that shouldn't have been, but hey, it worked like a charm - actually got a hand written envelope, direct from London, and it was sent registered delivery

I might well go for the box of chocs, bunch of flowers and an expenses cheque, like you suggest, Joyce

BTW, this is the funniest letter of complaint I've ever read.  I don't know who wrote it, but it's supposed to be a true letter of complaint to NTL (a cable provider in the UK) -

Dear Cretins

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.

During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.

Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office: My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive.

When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%...these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were crap, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

[Lali]

Again, thank you blunt. I was getting a bit worried, and my mother was teasing me continuosly (she is under the impression that this is infact a huge hoax and I'm not going to recieve a cent from anyone, this is all to mess around with a little girls head- that girl being me).Oh how I shall prance and dance around the house with that dollar note waving in front of my mother face telling her I'll now be able to get the Ferragamo's she has been wanting so badly! BWAHAHAHHAHAHHA!

Just so you know, 50 US dollars translates into 190 Malaysian ringgit, which is quite a large amount of money.

It'll be an addition to the money I've been scraping together, to produce a sum that will probably bring tears to my eyes as I have never had that much money before  .I have plans for it *rubs hands together gleefully*. Lets just say that it involves one of the hippest spots in town and a man in a tight shirt who claims he really is a natural blonde.

Ahhh....hell, I'm just getting a haircut.

[Ed]

Ahh, women and their shoes  

It makes me happy to think of you enjoying the fruits of your labours (finally), and to prove your mother wrong   I'm just sorry it took so long.

[Lali]

Ahhh, its ok, its ok.

I'm a very pleased 'beneficiary' indeed 

Now quit spamming! 

[JoyceCarter]

Don't tease him - he'll 'forget' to post the banker's draft!