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Poll

Which story shall we have on the front page of the site?

Fear - by LashShlash
1 (20%)
Someone Might See - by Sharon Bell Buchbinder
4 (80%)

Total Members Voted: 5

Voting closed: March 07, 2005, 05:29:23 AM

Author Topic: New CafeDoom feature  (Read 30408 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline canadian

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #30 on: March 05, 2005, 05:36:16 PM »
Whoa. Good one, Sharon. Me likes!  :dance:

One teeny prob:

*He goes down like a tree.*

I think you meant "She goes down like a tree."
If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance. -- George Carlin

Offline JoyceCarter

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #31 on: March 05, 2005, 06:42:27 PM »
I am SO SORRY for not getting a story in, after actually suggesting the deadline.  Like I said on the thread about the flash, we unexpectedly got a house full of people today, and it shot all my ideas about how I was going to spend my time.  My husband has been building us a new computer, and he was just at the stage where most of the work is done, and he was all ready to get all our preferred software loaded and everything, and that all went by the board as well.

(It was very jet-lagged dear family, so I'm not going to complain too much, though.)

Offline SharonBell

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #32 on: March 05, 2005, 07:02:25 PM »
Whoa. Good one, Sharon. Me likes!  :dance:

One teeny prob:

*He goes down like a tree.*

I think you meant "She goes down like a tree."

Merci for both comments. Will work that.  :kiss:
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline Ed

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #33 on: March 05, 2005, 07:25:51 PM »
I wrote a very silly one, not for inclusion in the vote :afro:

Not a happy bunny
By Ed Dempster

“Megatron Defense Systems is proud to present the X1400 battlefield prototype.  Gentlemen, I give you the weapon of the future.”  The spokesman thumbed a button on the podium.  Fireworks burst over a distant stage, and out of the haze of smoke and showers of sparks hopped a twelve-foot tall mechanical rabbit, with camouflage patterned fur coat and a wicker basket.  With it bounding along in the background, dipping its hand into the basket and liberally sprinkling the ground with hand grenades, the MDS representative continued his sales pitch to a group of frowning and obviously bemused generals, “As you can see, the weapon can be used to scatter grenades, bomblets, and anti personnel mines.  Imagine this bounding-beauty in an enemy trench – fearlessly dispensing destruction at the flick of a switch.  In peacetime, distributing chocolate to the children of the former war-zone, without risk of injury to troops from sniper fire…”

“Son, you’ve got to be joking!” bellowed General Ogelthorpe, “The US military would be the laughing stock of the entire God damned world!  It looks like a post-apocalyptic Energizer Bunny, for Christ’s sake!”

“I think you’re failing to see the big picture, General Ogelthorpe, we…”

“I see the big picture, Son!  I see that a bunch of geeky jack-off civilians have conned the US Government out of fifty-six billion dollars in research grants, and all they’ve got in return is a fluffy twelve-foot, bucked toothed fucking robot!”

The rabbit paused and appeared to prick-up its floppy ears.

“General, please keep your voice down – the X1400 will hear you!”

“God damned happy-faced mother fucking bag of bolts will hear me, huh?  Like I give a shit!  Why I ought to grab a God damned rocket launcher and…”

“Really, I wouldn’t finish that sentence, Gener…”

“…blow its mother fucking head off!”

The rabbit drops its basket, turns in the general’s direction and springs along the ground.  As it springs, a chromed appendage, proportionate with its overall size, appears from its groin area.  Ogelthorpe back-pedals with eyes wide, and stammers, “What’s it doing, wh-wh-why’s it doing that?”

“Well, you know what rabbits are famous for?  We decided it would be kind of poetic to make that attribute its main form of defence – the X1400 is going to shag you for dissing it.”

“WHAT?”

“I’d run, if I was you.”

“Aah!”

The general zig-zags, screaming, towards an armoured personnel carrier, with the twelve-foot horny mechanical bunny hot on his heels.

“And perhaps you’d be interested to hear that we’ve taken the liberty of making a Kangaroo variant, for the Australian Army….” The spokesman continued his sales pitch, from that point onwards, free of dissenting voices.

THE END

(441 words)
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]

Offline Ed

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #34 on: March 06, 2005, 05:23:00 AM »
I've just read Sharon's story :afro:  Love it :grin:

BTW, I've added a poll to the first page of this thread to decide which story will adorn the front page of the site.  It's open for 24 hours, so please get on and vote :smiley:
« Last Edit: March 06, 2005, 05:31:04 AM by blunt »
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]

Offline Walker

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #35 on: March 06, 2005, 09:00:42 AM »
Sharon, you're not gonna believe this but, yesterday I wrote a flash piece for another forum and inadvertantly used your name in the flash. It really was a coincidence because my wife picked the first name and I picked the last name from one of my son's friends, whose last name is also Bell. It wasn't until later I realized what I had done. The good news is that in my flash piece, Sharon Bell is a really hot chick! If you wanna read it, it's over at Bewrite in the flash challenge for the weekend.  ;)
"Lord, here comes the flood, we will say goodbye to flesh and blood. If, again, the seas are silent in any still alive, it'll be those who gave their island to survive. Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry."
Peter Gabriel.

Offline canadian

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #36 on: March 06, 2005, 10:39:28 AM »
Blunt, loved your bunny robot.  :grin:
If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance. -- George Carlin

Offline SharonBell

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #37 on: March 06, 2005, 12:05:42 PM »
Sharon, you're not gonna believe this but, yesterday I wrote a flash piece for another forum and inadvertantly used your name in the flash. It really was a coincidence because my wife picked the first name and I picked the last name from one of my son's friends, whose last name is also Bell. It wasn't until later I realized what I had done. The good news is that in my flash piece, Sharon Bell is a really hot chick! If you wanna read it, it's over at Bewrite in the flash challenge for the weekend.  ;)

I feel honored! Now I have to join BeWrite as SharonBell and see what kind of response I get!  :lol: :lol:
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline SharonBell

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #38 on: March 06, 2005, 12:08:16 PM »
Blunt--

Your Bunny from Hell story is hysterical!

Sharon
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline Walker

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #39 on: March 06, 2005, 12:09:05 PM »

I feel honored! Now I have to join BeWrite as SharonBell and see what kind of response I get!  :lol: :lol:
Quote

I imagine people will wonder if you actually do like the chicken dance... :shocked:
"Lord, here comes the flood, we will say goodbye to flesh and blood. If, again, the seas are silent in any still alive, it'll be those who gave their island to survive. Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry."
Peter Gabriel.

Offline SharonBell

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #40 on: March 06, 2005, 02:47:52 PM »
Quote

I imagine people will wonder if you actually do like the chicken dance... :shocked:
Quote

Only at weddings and Bar Mitzvahs!  :D

"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline LashSlash

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #41 on: March 06, 2005, 03:21:04 PM »
Mazel-tov

Offline SharonBell

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #42 on: March 06, 2005, 04:40:02 PM »
Gusundheit!  :D
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Offline Ed

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #43 on: March 06, 2005, 05:02:31 PM »
Some friends of ours recently went to a Jewish wedding - they said it was fantastic.  Lots of singing and dancing and breaking plates and all that malarchy.  Sounds excellent.  I'd love to go to one - ordinary RC or CofE weddings are tedious in the extreme.  I was even bored shitless at my own FFS :huh:

Plus at Greek, Jewish and dozens of other types of weddings, there's the tradition of pinning money to the bride's dress.  Some couples come away with thousands.  What better way is there to begin married life?  A nice little nest-egg, with which to start a family, or get settled in your new home - much better than sets of towels and all the other twaddle you usually get for wedding presents. :afro:

Same with Bar Mitzvahs - at the age of thirteen, most kids are poor as church mice, at a time in their life when they want to do and have loads of things.  I can't imagine how great it would have been to receive loads of envelopes full of cash, to celebrate the beginning of manhood.  All I got was dozens of bottles of aftershave :angry:
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]

Offline SharonBell

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Re: New CafeDoom feature
« Reply #44 on: March 06, 2005, 06:00:07 PM »
My wedding was pretty tame in 1976. I had just converted to Judaism (conservative--sort of between the two ends of the spectrum) and my mother was furious. She was a holy-roller speaks-in-tongues, I-have-conversations-with Jesus-type. Two Jews and two non-Jews held a large prayer shawl as a chuppah in come as you want clothing. Lots of long hair, powder blue leisure suits and polyester dresses. My wedding dress cost $55. Not much money for the wedding as my mother was about to disown me. I paid for it, Dale's parents rejoined the temple (conservative) which cost them a bundle, then gave us a honeymoon in Greece. They were generous folks.

One of my students invited me to her very religious Jewish wedding (Litvat) which was as you described, boisterous and fun, men on one side, women on the other. They even dragged Dale up on the dance floor, in the geriatric group, very funny as he won't dance with me. I will remember that wedding for the rest of my life. The girl's family paid a fortune and were having another wedding the following week for her younger sister, as Passover was fast approaching and it was the wedding season, b/c there could be no weddings past a certain date. That wedding hall was booked!
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

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