Imagine this... (warning - not for 56kers)

[sepia]

I just don't know how to write in a linear manner, probably because I don't have that whole linear thinking thing down.
yeah, i've been told book many times, by my lawyer, a few friends, even my nutsy Mom. 
I just don't want it to hurt anyone or come off like I feel sorry for myself or anything. I have had some fantastic times, been wonderful places, and done wild things. But I have had some really crap things happen. 

I think about it often, not like I'm doing much of anything else. Maybe a bunch of short stories or something. I could maybe make some of the more gruesome ones into a dark thing. who knows.

The florist was like the mother I wished I had always had, very out of the closet even in the 70's. the marraige was one of appearance. My husband couldn't practice his profession easily in the south with his particular lifestyle. and the florist I had known since I was 11 or 12. I don't know if they ever saw each other again. Maybe, they both ended up in the south. the marraige was outside of Seattle. He flew up to do the flowers. The grooms mother told me I was a "citified jezebel" and rather than throw rice, i was pelted with soybeans. That's what the dad (his dad) grew in mississippi. All very odd.

[SharonBell]

The grooms mother told me I was a "citified jezebel" and rather than throw rice, i was pelted with soybeans. That's what the dad (his dad) grew in mississippi. All very odd.

This alone sounds like a story: The Citified Jezebel

Sounds like she could have been the mother in Pica!

[JoyceCarter]

I'm just trying to imagine someone using 'Jezebel' seriously as an insult, these days - I don't think it would happen this side of the Atlantic.

I knew it was reminding me of something, and have now tracked down the memory.  Back in the 60s, I was at a friend's house, and some of her father's friends were there having a drink.  They were talking about some happening in Africa that had been in the news, and one of these men huffed and puffed and said, 'Demn fellers don' know when they're well orf - our cheps should send a gunboat.'  It's the kind of thing I'd read about from Victorian times, and it was quite hard to believe that I'd just heard it in real life.

[Ed]

Don't you just hate that rice?  Felt like being pelted with gravel   Hey, maybe it was?

I can imagine that soya beans would be big enough to really hurt

[||AmAzeD||]

yeh its ok about the pics guys , i was just trying to say that , well the msg i was trying to get across was that ,

imagine that you had been raped wehn you were 20 years old  , it took you 2years to just be able to talk to a guy an another 3 years to form a realationship 2 more years an yous were married (so 27years old an married) an then 13years later you are helping your son/daughter with there homework an you are looking for a funny pic so to speak an you stumble across a pic of you when you where 20 an you were in the same position as when you were being raped an you have amental breack down  , an while you are freaking out your 13 year old is laughing so much its like they are almost crying , 

then what would you do ?

and something like rape can make someone go insane , then plus that by the thing you created laughin out loud at you .

please let me know ??

Amazed out --

[SharonBell]

I'm just trying to imagine someone using 'Jezebel' seriously as an insult, these days - I don't think it would happen this side of the Atlantic.

Depends on the part of the US you happen to be in. In the buckle of the Bible Belt things are very scary, like Children of the Corn scary. 

[SharonBell]

please let me know ??

Sounds like a great idea for a story...or a novel.

[||AmAzeD||]

cool , thanks for the for the , whole could be a book/novel thing but wht would you rteally do , i would love to know

Amazed out--

[Ed]

Well, speaking for myself, I'd deal with it and not make it everybody else's problem

[sepia]

Sharon--go for it. I think I've always been afraid to  write that people would get to know me too well. don't want anyone to have all the puzzle pieces ya know.

Blunt--Definitely Children of the Corn scary. she was a bible Belt Methodist. A faith I never realized was so, can't find the word here--Evangelical? These were instead People of the Soybeans nuts. And yes, they do hurt, I was so not in a good mood the night of my wedding to him. I might have stayed married to him had I not had this crazy idea of a mythical knight in shining Armor that was sure to rescue me. I learned to rescue myself instead. I did actually love one of my husbands though. And I still miss him to this day. The last husband though. Oy!! What a mess that was. I am now totally fatastically cool with just having good friends and living on my own.

|AmAzeD|--this is a wonderful, very short story: http://www.quantumemed.com/site/epage/5531_236.htm

I have learned 2 things in my tumultuous life:
1. My scar tissue is the strongest tissue in my body.
2. A certain dignity can be found in totally experiencing the moment of your pain, and then to move on with a lesson learned and a knowledge of future forewarning and acceptance. One can never be cured, but you or anyone, can certainly heal.

[||AmAzeD||]

whoaaa that was , good it made me feel .....strange , so what your trying to say but showing me that is , [lady] should talk about it , in order of the people around her to heal her right?....that was the best thing i have ever read it almost sounds real
thanks for that ..

Amazed out --

[JoyceCarter]

We all have bad experiences at some point.  To stay healthy in our minds, there's no good trying to deny/close out what happened.  It is part of ourself now.  We grow round and through it, and carry that on to the next experience, and so on and on. 

To get stuck dwelling on the bad time is just as sick as denying it ever happened.  We have to move on through the rest of our life.

(All that is just another way of saying what Sepia did.)

[SharonBell]

I have learned 2 things in my tumultuous life:
1. My scar tissue is the strongest tissue in my body.
2. A certain dignity can be found in totally experiencing the moment of your pain, and then to move on with a lesson learned and a knowledge of future forewarning and acceptance. One can never be cured, but you or anyone, can certainly heal.

Amen, Sister Sepia! 

[sepia]

Yup, occasionally I babble something extremely coherent.
I am a total survivor. I've never been captured by foreigners and sold on the slave markets, but as fas as what can happen in life growing up and grown up, I've hit about all of it. And, maybe my craziness is my way of being rescilient.
But, pity parties do nothing. Definetely go through those 5 steps of mourning, but then get over it. No one ever said life is nice or fair. you make the best of it and try your best to chuckle at the end of the day. And, use your experience to be that crutch needed while the healing starts.

The thing that amazes me is that people who get hurt once, maybe twice, get so broken up. and those of us that grew up thinking that was what little girls were for just sit down and talk easily.

I never figured out why.

Only by standing firm, with courage (and probably a good dose of fear) and sticking your head inthe mouth of the beast, as Milarepa did, will you ever learn to conquer your fears and go on. Your misery is totally under your control.

And trust me, I learned inmy early teens, there is no drug or drink that will help. total ferlessness and tenacity is the way to keep on. I also find a good bit of denial works well for me.