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Cafe Doom  |  General Discussions  |  Funny Stuff  |  life, the universe
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Author Topic: life, the universe  (Read 3495 times)

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Offline digitaldeath

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life, the universe
« on: May 18, 2010, 05:51:46 PM »
Ever wondered:
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but checks when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an ‘s’ in lisp?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for ‘normal’ people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today, and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it just seem longer?
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
And, did you ever stop and wonder...
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say ‘I think I’ll just squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?
Who was the first person to say ‘See that chicken...I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its bum!’
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn toast to a horrendous crisp, which no decent human could eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when asking for the bathroom?
Why does your obstetrician, gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? (They’re both dogs!)
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil make from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and ‘Twinke, Twinkle, Little Star’ have the same tune?
Stop singing...read on...
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Did you notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

Offline Caz

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2010, 12:12:12 PM »
 :cool: :2funny:
Some may say slaughtered is too strong a word...but I like the sound of it.

Offline Rev. Austin

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2010, 01:21:52 PM »
I like the 'point at your bum for the bathroom' one hahah
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Offline Craig Herbertson

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2010, 07:47:48 AM »
Enter killjoy

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Because Edgar Rice Burroughs writes that he shaved with his knife from a fairly early age.

Offline Rev. Austin

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2010, 04:39:42 PM »
How early, killjoy?  ;)
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Offline Craig Herbertson

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2010, 07:27:37 AM »
How early, killjoy?  ;)

Tarzan started shaving the moment he started to get hairy. He decided he was a white Tarmangi and wanted to distance himself from the great apes and he saw pictures of smooth skinned people in the primer in his father's cabin. Sad that I should know all this...

Offline Rev. Austin

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2010, 08:43:32 AM »
Well, now I know that I feel as though my life is complete  ;)  :grin:
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Offline Robert Essig

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2010, 09:07:54 AM »
Funny list.  Very clever.
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Look for my debut novel THROUGH THE IN BETWEEN, HELL AWAITS in 2012 from Grand Mal Press.

Offline ozmosis7

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Re: life, the universe
« Reply #8 on: October 28, 2010, 06:39:58 PM »
LOL...that is a good list
Author of Dark Fiction - http://kennethwcain.com

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