Got a boring story where nothing happens?

[Ed]

Yes, it's that time of year again -- The Bridport Prize is open for business, inviting millions of words of turgid prose and hackneyed verse to converge on a tiny market town in the depths of rural Dorset. The most boring story wins five grand, as does the purplest non-rhyming poem.

So if you've got anything dull on your hard drive, especially if it features cancer, or some other form of miserable demise, or if you've just experienced your first menstruation and felt the urge to write about it, it's got to be worth having a stab at.

Further details can be found here -- http://www.bridportprize.org.uk/

Be warned, though -- it's seven quid to enter a story, six for poems and five for flash, and you'll find some stiff competition out there (literally).

[Rook]

I've got one! I've got one!

Oh, wait... I don't have seven quid to blow...

Hey, do you think they give discounts for bulk entries?

[delph_ambi]

Hey, be nice about the Bridport! I had two poems shortlisted in 2010, and I believe JonP had a shortlisted poem too, so Cafe Doom was well represented. 

[Ed]

All joking apart, that was a hell of an accomplishment to make the shortlist, you two

[Rev. Austin]

I didn't realise you were joking 

[Rook]

All joking apart, that was a hell of an accomplishment to make the shortlist, you two

Hear, hear!

[Ed]

I didn't realise you were joking 

(I wasn't, but shhh! don't tell anybody)

[LashSlash]

here is a flash-fiction story:-



A Pillar of Smoke

by LashSlash

Pa was a Dawarwinist who rolled his own. His bible, a "MIDGET" CLASSIC - complete and unabridged publication - printed on rice-paper pages two and one-half inches high. A miniature book comfortably carried around [God forbid, for anything more than as a conveniant reference] in his waistcoat pocket. It started on page fifty-six, with the Book of Exodus. Whenever he ran short of rollies, Pa had ripped out the next page; with a twist of Best-Blend he smoked his way through the Tower of Babel via the Garden of Eden. The binding of Isaac by Abraham and all of Jacob went up in smoke. I inherited the bible after Pa died of a canker probably brought on by the lead in the printing-ink and possibly by God.

I must admit, over the years I have got a bit of a buzz from [pages of] Jezebel and Delilah and a Shulamite or two.


the end


..... i'm putting this story up for sale, if anyone wants to enter the bridgeport comp and doesnt have, or doesnt want to actualy write anything.  the story is sold as is and becomes the sole property of the buyer to do with as .... etc etc

the punctuation may need some attention, and that is why the opening bid is only 29.99 pounds [you  stand to win a thousand pounds with this story]


any takers?
 

[Rev. Austin]

SOLD! 

[LashSlash]

 :cheers:WHAT GOOD TASTE YOU HAVE IN STORIES!!!!!! .... BUT, SORRRY TO SAY : --- the OPENING BID is 29.99 --- its an auction: youre gonna have to offer a little more......THOSE ARE THE RULES of an auction......

[Rev. Austin]

Oh right sorry 

In that case, my bid is:

SOLD!

hahaha

[delboy]

Makes me think back to all those dodgy music deals done in the old days when some old blues-singer or hillbilly rock'n'roller would sign over the rights to half of dozen of their songs for a bottle of Wild Turkey, ten dollars, and a back row ticket for Sugar Ray Robinson's comeback fight. We only ever get to hear about the songs that later went onto make millions for the smart-talking guys that sold short the song-writers. But I wonder how many musicians got the better of that particular deal? I bet there were a few!

Derek

[Rev. Austin]

Were you one of them, Del?

edit: /cheeky 

[Kerr]

That one's too good Lash. I'm guessing this is Literary?

[Ed]

Good effort, Lash, but I can't help but feel your story was lacking the angst of a good first menstruation story. Perhaps if you changed your MC to a woman of the cloth, it might help?