How do I deal with this writer?

[Rev. Austin]

Hi folks!  I'm now all cosy in my mate's flat, taking turns cooking tea for each other and all that, and things are lovely.  However, I need some advice that has nothing to do with that sentence haha

A little while ago I received an email from a fellow Scunthorpian, for one of the anthos I'm currently accepting subs for.  The email itself was rather, er, unprofessional, in that it basically said "Alright, I've done a story but wondered if you'd like to see it, cheers".  I said it was (far) too long, and expressed pleasant surprise at 'meeting' someone else from Scunthorpe who's a writer.  He's now replied with a remarkably 'chummy' email saying he's chopped his story down but it's still 3000 words over the limit, but "I'll make you a deal - if you like it you can just pay me for 7000 words and the other 3000 will be free of charge".  I bet what you're thinking right now is exactly what I thought  he also said 'Some free advice - you can contact the local paper about your writing and they'll do a spooky pic of you'.  Really?  The thought never crossed my mind 

This chap's clearly not very professional, or perhaps doesn't know how to conduct himself in a professional manner (he phrases his emails as if we're actual mates, and even uses some of my own turns of phrase, which is a little weird, although at least he's done some research on me... ) so I'm not really sure how I should reply to him.  Also, I set up an auto-response saying I won't be online much for a while, yet he still sent a follow-up email a few days after his last one going "Did ya get my story?"...hmmm.  He comes across as rather arrogant, but I get the feeling my continued polite 'I really can't accept your story for this reason I've already told you' responses are falling on deaf ears, especially since he's 'making deals' good grief, who does that?  Anyway, I'm not really sure how I should 'tackle' him.  Do I risk being a bit rude and actually tell him he needs to be more professional, or...?   

[delph_ambi]

No. It's unprofessional to tell him to be more professional.

Simply say that due to space constrictions in the anthology you regret you cannot accept a story over however many thousand words is your limit, but he is welcome to re-submit a revised version.

Then reject the story. Or accept it, if it absolutely knocks your socks off.

[ozmosis7]

Hmm...I didn't realize you took deals...in that case... 

Ya sounds like this guy is a bit off his rocker eh 

One thing I've learned over time is that is never a good thing to burn bridges.   

And to me, that sounds like something this guy just did...crossed a line so to say.   

And if it were me in your shoes I'd add him to your spam lists 

That is unless it's me you're talking about LOL 

[Geoff_N]

TBH this is partly a result of your own chatty self online in your bio, etc. Even so, that inexperienced writer will probably get the message of rejection if you continue to be professional with him. Be careful, there are one or two nutters in the lit world who don't take rejection kindly however constructive and supportive you try to be. He obviously thinks his story is good enough because all you've seem to say in criticism is that it is too long. There must be another reason you can give to do with style, characters, linear plot, etc. Reject, wish him luck with his revisions and submissions to other markets. You being professional is more important than him being so. You have more responsibility. eg my co-editor at Escape Velocity once gave up patience with a persistent no-hoper and basically told him not to bother us again. We then found our name being besmirched in fora all over the place. I had to do a lot of oil-pouring and giving a detailed crit to that subber before he let us alone.

Many people won't believe how tough it can be being a submission . acquisition editor, or at least to be a conscientious one.

Good luck


Geoff

[ozmosis7]

I'm sorry but your answer is disqualified for using no smilies 

Just kidding...also good advice 

[QBall]

It appears to me that this fella is using a bit of 'flannel' promoting his work. Sounds like a salesperson to me.
When I deliver editorial advice I try to be as honest as I can be and add some  encouragement on good points.

[Ed]

Yep, just keep being professional yourself. The word limit is there for a reason. If the guy can't follow the guidelines and stay below the limit, that's his problem, not yours. Keep your reply short and to the point. Treat him like you would a troll -- don't feed him and he'll give up and go away. That's what I would do, anyway.

[ozmosis7]

Hmmm...anyone know why Rev stop accepting my emails? 

Just kidding again...I hope...I love all these damn smilie chocies 

[desertwomble]

Hey, Rev, did I tell you I'd moved to Scunthorpe ...... and I'm your number one fan?

Seriously though, cut out the chatty, friendly editor persona and treat this guy with frank (bordering on curt) professionalism. No discussions or negotiations - just professionalism.

DW

[Rook]

Sound advice above...

It's scary that he lives in your town and he's using your phrasing...

Haven't had anyone think they saw you somewhere you know you weren't, have you?

Just keep an eye out for doppelgangers... those phantom footsteps from dark alleyways, might not be so phantom...

And I'd be hoping he's not Steven King fan...



BTW, I'm not being entirely silly with the above, either. Nerve-wracking situation. Luck, Rev! 

[ozmosis7]

Another idea is to start saying weird out-of-place type things to him 

Think Monty Python "Confuse-a-cat" sketch.

Next he emails you, say this back...

"Throat wobbler mangrove eats Peanut butter cactus butts all the time....I love em with coffee, tea and motor oil.  You should have some end of story.  See you in Texas.  Watch what you eat on the train ride over.  Cya, thanks for the note."

He'll read that and be like...."What the hell did he just say to me?"    So he will email you back, ask if you got it again...say he didn't understand...so you say....

"Me Ted.  Me Ted.  Me Ted....end of line"

He'll try again hesitant at this point...and you say...

"I like jujubeans and Dinner under the lake.  Ever try to hit a baseball bat with a golf club"  Thanks for the money.  I'll spend it well."

He'll think you're crazy and might even say so...but in the end isn't that a pretty good persona for a dark fiction horror writer/editor to begin with?  Sounds like fun win win situation to me.

[Rook]

 

you're crazy and might even say so...but in the end isn't that a pretty good persona for a dark fiction horror writer/editor to begin with? 

God, I hope so... Kinda out of options, otherwise.

[fnord33]

If it were me I would appreciate the honest approach. I made a lot of stupid mistakes when I was first starting out. I would have made a lot less if someone had taken the time to explain a few things to me. My reply would go something like:

"Hi,

I did receive your manuscript. (real opinion of the story here, bu something like) While I did enjoy your story and I do appreciate the offer, I am afraid that I am bound by my initial word limit. There are a few rules that an editor never breaks and accepting stories that exceed the word limit is one of them. I would be happy to re-read your story if you can cut it down to under 7,000 words. (maybe add a link to a page with good advice on the subject.)

On a side note, I don't know how you normally approach people about your work, but there are a few things that might be good to keep in mind when submitting your work to editors in the future. Not all editors are as cool as me. Most are pretty uptight about maintaining an air of professionalism. Check this out. http://www.jmtohline.com/2010/12/biggest-mistakes-writers-make-when.html


On the other hand you could always tell him to meet you at a local pub and then scratch "I am not your friend you stupid cunt!" on the hood of his car and/or stab him. That would probably be more fun. 

[Rook]

On the other hand you could always tell him to meet you at a local pub and then scratch "I am not your friend you stupid cunt!" on the hood of his car and/or stab him. That would probably be more fun.  

Definitely, more fun-- but then where would his reputation be? There's crazy and then there's crazy.



(Not to be too PC, but I prefer the term 'prick'.)

[ozmosis7]

Oooh...I like that one