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Cafe Doom  |  Forum  |  HELP!  |  General help  |  who knows 7??
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Author Topic: who knows 7??  (Read 2446 times)
LashSlash
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« on: February 10, 2011, 04:45:24 AM »

No self-surviving farm was without a chickenhok. The borehole could run dry, the rinderpest could wipe out our cattle, the leopards could take the sheep, the baboons could ravage all, as only baboons will; there are no end of tragedies that could reduce us to picking at the skank-end of the roast for dinner, but with our chickens and our eggs, our bantam community would always make do.


is it clear to the reader what A chickenhok is?
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delph_ambi
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« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2011, 08:37:35 AM »

Yes. Assuming it's a chicken house of some sort. If it's something else, then no.
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Pharosian
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« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2011, 08:40:25 AM »

No self-surviving farm was without a chickenhok. The borehole could run dry, the rinderpest could wipe out our cattle, the leopards could take the sheep, the baboons could ravage all, as only baboons will; there are no end of tragedies that could reduce us to picking at the skank-end of the roast for dinner, but with our chickens and our eggs, our bantam community would always make do.


is it clear to the reader what A chickenhok is?

No. It's not.

Also, you need to exchange "are" for "was" as:

"... there was no end of tragedies ..."

Everything else is in the past tense, so that needs to be, too. And isn't it "shank end"? Or have you reverted to cannibalism for this tale?  grin
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Rook
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« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2011, 09:14:44 AM »

As Delph said, assuming it means 'chicken house'-- I got it...

 smiley
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I think, Sebastian, there for I am.
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LashSlash
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« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2011, 10:59:41 AM »

No self-surviving farm was without a chickenhok. The borehole could run dry, the rinderpest could wipe out our cattle, the leopards could take the sheep, the baboons could ravage all, as only baboons will; there are no end of tragedies that could reduce us to picking at the skank-end of the roast for dinner, but with our chickens and our eggs, our bantam community would always make do.


is it clear to the reader what A chickenhok is?

No. It's not.

Also, you need to exchange "are" for "was" as:

"... there was no end of tragedies ..."

Everything else is in the past tense, so that needs to be, too. And isn't it "shank end"? Or have you reverted to cannibalism for this tale?  grin
..... thanks, Far !!!! i just changed the whole thing into the present tense so there won t be a problem! i AM very bad with tenses [and punctuation and incomplete sentences bangh bangh]...... the narrative is in the present tense, telling about things that happened in the past - so its a bit tricky. [ i'm trying to make the story sound 'here and now' for the reader.....]

..... i always thought the shank end was the skank end of the roast -- ..... what a silly-boo i be.....


thanks to others as well for answering! 'specialy koor.




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LashSlash
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« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2011, 11:53:19 AM »

here's a nother one:-

Silence and I quietly watched our pair of roosters, BigChief and LittleChief, quartering the chickenhok on their dawn patrol. A brown speckled giant with hostile claws and a display of tail feathers fit to adorn a Duchess' hat, pacing alongside a black bantam cockerel, both on the lookout for snakes nit-witted enough to hope for a breakfast of freshly laid / layed / lain eggs.


laid / layed / lain ......confused??
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delph_ambi
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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2011, 12:40:50 PM »

laid
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LashSlash
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« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2011, 02:26:56 AM »

tenksh [a'dank], C -- that was the last thing: -- chapter now complete, except for some unorthodox punctuation that has to be checked and a decision as to the usefullness of my inTrEPiD tensing...if anyone wants to have a look and comment, pee-em me.

on to the next chapter..... 
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delph_ambi
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« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2011, 04:28:51 AM »

I would, but too much on my plate at the moment, Daniel.
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LashSlash
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« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2011, 05:56:03 AM »

I would, but too much on my plate at the moment, Daniel.
..... Wink i'll save your offer for later Wink
d
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