Instructions (nicked from elsewhere)

[Ed]

Some of these made me laugh -
(Already notated by somebody)

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

[Geoff_N]

Sainsburys have it wrong.  And so does the annotator.

Their bags of peanuts do not contain nuts.
Peanuts are a legume not a nut!
Peas are legumes.
Therefore bags of peanuts do contain peas, and not nuts.

Geoff

[canadian]

I suppose then that nuts only truly exist in forums like this one! 

[flickoty]

what makes a nut a nut. then??
and what is a legume?

[JoyceCarter]

nut, in botany, a dry one-seeded fruit which is indehiscent (i.e., does not split open along a definite seam at maturity). Among the true nuts are the acorn, chestnut, and hazelnut. Commonly the word nut is used for any seed or fruit having an edible kernel surrounded by a hard or brittle covering. Thus the peanut pod is actually a legume, the Brazil nut is a seed enclosed with others in a capsule, and the almond is part of a drupe, a type of fruit that includes olives and peaches. Others that are not botanically true nuts are the cashew, coconut, litchi, pistachio, and walnut. Most nuts have a high content of oil; in addition they may contain substantial amounts of protein, carbohydrates, minerals, and vitamins. Although nuts were originally harvested from wild trees, this century has seen the increasing cultivation of nut orchards—especially in warmer climates—for commercial production both for food and for byproducts.

legume1.  A pod, such as that of a pea or bean, that splits into two valves with the seeds attached to one edge of the valves.
2. Such a pod or seed used as food.

[Vivacious]

Well whaddya know! That would explain the name 'pea' + 'nut'!

[Geoff_N]

see? No one ever believes me.
Anyone would think I made up stories...


Geoff

[canadian]

Anyone would think I made up stories...

Ummmm, yeah. That's what I thought you did ... 

[Vivacious]

see? No one ever believes me.
Anyone would think I made up stories...


Geoff

It's not that I didn't belive, it's that I learned something new! Thanks, man!

[flickoty]

This website is suprisingly educational! i hav e learnt that; peanuts are not nuts, sheep rustling carries the death penalty, and that my RE teacher is wrong (yet again) and it is grammatically incorrect to say 'Jesus' gerbils' (!!!)

[JoyceCarter]

Speaking of 'Jesus's gerbils', a friend of ours was telling us this evening how he'd been thinking of buying something on Ebay, and had a question about the item.  'Dear...' he started to type, then checked the seller's name - which turned out to be 'Christ'!

[Flirtybee]

  i keep telling that son of mine he should me more anonymous!

Flirty

[JoyceCarter]

lol!

[Flirtybee]

sheep rustling carries the death penalty,

shhhhhhhhh.....gawd if the welsh find out there could be a rebellion!

haut couture in them thar hills includes velcro trousers and wide legged wellies...

Q . What do you call three sheep tied to a tree?
A . A welsh leisure centre

Flirty

[JoyceCarter]

Aha, FB, you're Ann Robinson in disguise, then?!