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Winter - For Sunny

Started by Loki, December 20, 2005, 07:39:39 PM

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Loki

For Sunny

With apologies to Wallace Stevens

        WINTER
I have a mind of winter,
but winter is not yet here.
It is fall and there are
no soft colors left in the world;
only the violated hues of the leaves,
the razor edged shade of thickening lakes,
the angry glimmer of a receding sun.

I have a soul of winter,
but winter has not yet come.
Spring is a naive child,
summer an exuberant youth,
autumn a bitter adult.
Winter is a wise elder,
bringing no false promises,
no fleeting comforts,
no spiteful envy.
Winter brings
nothing at all,
merely removes the robes of the world
leaving it stark and naked and honest.

I have wept at the end of winter
when the first hairline fractures creep across the ice
and the hardiest fish edge up from the depths,
impatient for the insect eggs and larvae spring will bring.
I have watched the trees shrug their shoulders,
dropping their fringed winter cloaks
in preparation for springs tailored fashions,
I have seen the skies soften
under spring's whispered flatteries,
and, under summer's caresses,
open themselves in welcome
to fall's brutal rape.

I have mourned, and will mourn again,
winter's demise,
but I will not despair.
I have a mind of winter
and I know winter will come.

JoyceCarter

Hi, Loki.  Welcome!   :cheers: Good to see your first post!

There are some lovely images in here.  Do you want crit on your poem, or just to share it?

Loki

Comments of any type are welcome - critiques, observations, paeans of praise, hoots of derision.  Checks are alwas nice. :D  But I warn you in advance, any bills you send for the time you wasted reading my stuff will simply be tossed in the trash.

JoyceCarter

Don't do that - you can always write on the back!

You sound as if you'll fit right in here!  :cheers:  Is there anything you'd like to tell us for the Introduce Yourself board?  You can find some horrors about some of the rest of us there. :afro:

There's usually quite a lot of action on the Doom Flash Challenge threads, even from those who aren't entering.  Drop in! :smiley:

SharonBell

I love the end of winter images--trees shrugging, fish struggling to the surface for larvae, cracks in the ice--and then the MC's response, contrary to most, to be pissed off at the end of winter. There's a cold burden to be carrying in one's heart! Well done.  :dance:

And welcome to the Mad Hatter Cafe!  :dance: :dance: :dance:
"Be good and you'll be lonesome." Mark Twain

www.sharonbuchbinder.com

Dan

Although it's far from the most original allegory to compare the lonliness of the soul to winter, i was genuinely impressed by this piece. I like the willingness to play with different stanza styles and patterns - you manage to keep control of it rather than it becoming the focus of the poem. The imagery gets better as it goes on as well - i particularly liked:

"I have watched the trees shrug their shoulders,
dropping their fringed winter cloaks
in preparation for springs tailored fashions,"

Almost anthropomorphic? Was that the intenton?
Anyway, nice work  :smiley:
D

Oh, and merry xmas!
www.HellInside.com - welcome to Hell!

Sunny

#6
Well hello Loki and thank you for that piece of artistic expression  :afro: The symbolism that you express here is very nice.

I have been trying, quite aimlessly, to come up with some witty retort, but obviously to no avail. I must be honest and say that wit is not my strong point......though charm and flattery seem to work well for me ......                                  :wub: :tickle: :wub:

I do hope to see more of your work on here, the mind of a genius should always be shared and is much enjoyed  :cheers:

Oh, and might I ask, exactly what stage of life do you find yourself in? Maybe I am misinterpreting your message, but somehow I sense an identity crisis of sorts here.  :huh: :D
You are what you eat!

Loki

#7
Sunny,

Thanks!  Your check's in the mail.  But next time, try not to lay it on quite so thick.  It's more believable if you're a tad more circumspect.   :afro:  Seriously, I don't know what Pittsburgh's been telling you but take it with a grain of salt.  And don't try to be witty just for me!  Working that hard, you start to sweat and then you have those embarrassing pit stain issues to deal with and your hair goes lank and loses it's natural bounce and, well, it's just not pretty for anyone involved.  Just be yourself and your natural wit will shine through!  As for the stage of my life, this poem was written some time ago.  Like, a lot of years ago.  I'd tell you exactly how many but that would make me sound old and we can't be having that.  We'll just say that, while I'm still the same person who wrote that poem, I've grown and evolved a bit since then.

Dan,

Thank you!  Both for the compliments and the interesting and thoughtful critique.  You're correct that the central image isn't particularly original.  I've found that taking a stock image and trying to make it fresh and original is an interesting and worthwhile exercise.  It's both limiting, in that you're confined to a specific metaphor, and liberating in that you realize just how much room there is to think and write about even well worn images.  I did a series of poems on the seasons, and I think "Winter" is the best of the lot.  Here's another short one from that series.  I don't think it's as original as "Winter," but there's something about it that I like:

     Ah, Spring

Ah, Spring!
Worthless wretch.
Ah, Spring!
Brazen hypocrite!

You come professing rebirth
and yet I remain.
A hard black shell, beaten
by the winds and rain.


Also, no offense meant and certainly none taken for asking the question, but I seldom talk about my intentions for a poem.  There are a number of related reasons, the foremost being that my intentions are irrelevant.  To think that my intentions, thoughts or interpretations are authoritative (or even particularly well informed) merely because I wrote the poem is the height of conceit.  A poem, or any work of art, stands or falls upon its own merit.  Its existence is independent of its creation, and its creator has no voice in what is there or is not there within the work.  Frost denied the dark streak that sneaks through many of his poems, but all his protestations did nothing to bleach that hue from the fabric of his writing.  Too, I don't wish to prejudice the reading of the poem.  If I state that this was my intention or that was what I was trying to say, the "informed" reader will seek this or that in the poem.  This alters and perhaps obscures the poem - who knows what other interpretations or insights would have occurred to the reader without my heavy suggestions weighting down their reading?  This is a loss not only for them but for myself.  I have on more than one occasion gained insight into myself from listening to comments on my writing.

Sharon,

Thanks!  I'm quite happy to be here.  I look forward to making a number of new friends.



Joyce,

Write on the back?  With ASCII being as cheap as it is, I didn't realize that finding something to write on was an issue!  I'll try to put a little bit about myself together and drop it in to the Intro forum for anyone who might be interested.  I'll also check out the Flash Challenge forum.  That one sounds quite interesting!

Later,

Loki

Ed

Hi, Locki, and welcome to Doom :afro:

I generally give poetry a wide berth, because I don't know anything about it, but I hope a few of our poetry buffs give you some useful feedback of your work :smiley:
Planning is an unnatural process - it is much more fun to do something.  The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression. [Sir John Harvey-Jones]